Read Playing Well With Others for Free Online

our communities.
    Titleholding
     
    An outgrowth of contests held in leather bars to entice hot leathermen to admire the physiques and attire of other hot leathermen, title contests have expanded into the wider kink communities. Like beauty pageants with attitude, title competitions in the kink community range from folks dressing up (or down) for fun, to people who fiercely compete against many dozens of competitors for a coveted national or international sash, leathers, or patch.
    Some competitors are truly moved to represent their community as a form of visibility and activism. Others are just excited by getting sexy on stage and raising funds as well as temperatures. Leathermen, leatherwomen, leather transfolk, bootblacks, age players, human ponies, and many other varieties of title holders may well become a voice for the local, national or international kink community, host fundraisers for charity, and perform other forms of outreach and community service. For some people, their leather title becomes a cornerstone of their sexual and emotional identity for the rest of their lives; for others, it was a fun thing they did and look back on fondly.
    Should you run? Having held titles ourselves, we encourage those considering running to be rigorously honest with themselves about their motives. Altruistic ideals are great, and it’s also actually fine to run because you feel like it will improve your standing in the community, or because you’re curious about the titleholder system. Once you know your answer, make sure to ask a few questions about the title and competition:
     
     
What is the nature of the title? Research the history of the event, talk to event producers, check their website or material, find out if it is a political title or beauty parade . . . and if in doubt, ask someone who has held the title themselves!

Who is eligible? Are there any gender, sexual orientation or age restrictions on the title?

What are the commitments and responsibilities of the winner? Will there be specific events at which you will be required to “represent” your title? By winning, are you committing to compete at the next event in the chain? Who pays for all that travel? Do winners have to run fundraisers or produce events?
     
    Making the scene your home
     
    For folks who consider the community their home, it is where they create chosen families of all shapes and sizes, construct tribes of the heart, and in other ways invest emotionally. Kink, or their corner of the kink world, is where they are free to be themselves, express their personal truth, and be who they know themselves to be. It might be a hierarchical leather household, or it might be a loose-knit far-flung family with complex relationships and challenges, but it is family. Kink is their world, and they embrace it wholeheartedly.
    And then of course, there is you, in your special unique you-ness. Remember, these categories are simply keys to thinking about how invested you want to be. Consider what best suits you . . . today. You will change and grow, and the community can change and grow with you. Listen attentively to your gut as you explore, surging forward and holding back as you feel is best. Your journey will be different than ours, and that difference is part of what makes being in this community so rich and fulfilling.
    Take what you need, and leave the rest!

Chapter 2.
     
    Does This Flogger Make My Ass Look Fat?: Kink Etiquette, Kink Culture
     

     

W HEN WE ASKED seventy kinksters “What do you wish you had known before WW going to your first kink event?” the most common response was that they wished they’d had more information on community etiquette, on how not to step on people’s toes. Through dispelling myths, and creating some basic guidelines, we hope to encourage an atmosphere of civility throughout the kink communities. Think of it as Miss Manners . . . for perverts.
    A Gathering of Tribes vs. a Monolithic “Community”
     
    We use the