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word “community” loosely. Many kinky folks eschew that word entirely, being the rogue lone wolves that they are. For the purposes of our discussion, we use “community” as a handy way to discuss people who choose to identify as kinky, and/or to incorporate kink into their social, sexual, emotional and physical lives. This “community” is actually a somewhat anarchic confederation of many city-states, realms, fiefdoms, tribes, factions, unions, guilds, associations and travelers. A sampling of the many, many loose-knit groups that may be included under the umbrella of the “kink community” includes folks who are attracted to:
    Hey, Pervert.
    . . . a note on the use of the term “pervert.” Yeah, it has some pretty shady connotations. But like other culturally difficult terms, like “faggot” and “dyke,” many kinky folks have taken this previously purely disparaging term, embraced it, and made it our own. When we refer to ourselves and others as perverts, it certainly is not with a shameful criminal connotation. We defy many of the so-called norms of broader society in favor of finding our own bliss in consensual acts of, well, perversion.
     

     
    . . . and much much more! In fact, there are kinky people who don’t do any of these things, but instead consider kinkiness their identity, something that transcends activities and desires.
    You will find that different etiquettes and protocols apply throughout the different offshoots and sub-sections of these communities. The specific rules for a swinger gathering may look dramatically different from a leather bar, a bathhouse, a fetish gathering, or an educational weekend.
    Don’t freak out. It will be OK! And when in doubt, a polite question will often carry the day.
    Dispelling a Few Myths
     
    Most folks have a few ideas about “those kinky folks” based on a narrow glimpse into the kink world. There’s a vague notion of “dungeons and pain and whips and chains” (oh my!) when thinking of our communities. You have undoubtedly encountered myths about the kink community that may have stuck with you. Most of them are not true, but they may have a kernel of truth within them.
    Let’s take a look at a few of some common myths that swirl around concerning the kink community, see how they might have evolved, and dispel some of the mystery.
    Myth #1: “Everyone has sex with everyone else.”
     
    BZZT!
    The kink community does attract a high percentage of people who identify as “sex-positive”: people who openly acknowledge, discuss and celebrate sexuality in its many and varied forms. And this is awesome. However, our communities include relatively few omnivorous, prowling sex sharks on a never-ending quest for fresh meat. Some folks are asexually kinky, separating their kink from explicit sexual congress. Others are monogamous, partnering and playing only with their lover, husband, wife, or partner. Some are involved in closed polyamorous groups, only doing kink activity with those in their circle. Some are serially monogamous, or only play within a small group of lovers and friends. Some have open, far-flung networks of play-partners, lovers, fuckbuddies, and more, with whom they form various degrees of intimacy. And of course, there are the prowling omnivorous sex sharks. You, and only you, get to choose who you engage with and to what degree.
    Myth #2: “Kinky parties are one big orgy and erotic free-for-all.”
     
    NO DICE.
    Some parties are organized around the idea of free sex and free love, often with strict codes of safer sex behavior. Others explicitly forbid sexual intercourse. The rules will vary according to the needs and desires of the people hosting the party, the laws in the area where the party is being held, and the style of event. Some people have no desire to combine explicit sexual contact and kink, some people use kinky play as foreplay, and still others just want to gaze upon the wonders of the perverted playground before them.