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Reading the descriptions, rules and guidelines for an event before you buy that ticket or get gussied up and head down to that play space will help you know what you’re signing up for and make sure your expectations meet what’s on offer.
    Myth #3: “If you are into kinky sex, you are into all forms of kinky sex.”
     
    TO QUOTE THE MAGIC 8-BALL, “MY SOURCES SAY ‘NO’.”
    You may well have a very specific kinky fantasy, and zero interest in anything else. Fantastic. Get your highly focused freak on. Being a part of the community doesn’t mean you must embark on a race to earn erotic merit badges; it is about you exploring your desires and fantasies. Some people find that their desires expand as they explore, and others, who thought they wanted to perform every kink under the sun, find themselves narrowing their focus as time goes on.
    Engaging in baroque and highly technical scenes right out of the gate is OK — if that is what you want to do, and if you know what you’re doing. Go earn those badges! Taking things at your own pace and in your own time, though, is always a good bet.
    Some people enjoy what is sometimes referred to as “edge play”: scenes that push the “edge” of comfort for the people involved or the kink community at large. However, the funny thing about “edgy” stuff is that everyone has their own edge. You might walk into a party and see someone playing in a way that draws blood; for some people, that’s quite edgy. Right next to that scene, though, you might see a scene involving someone being required to sing I’m A Little Teapot to a group of laughing bystanders. Which is the edgier scene? For a painfully shy person, the latter might be incredibly difficult, while the former is no big deal. Take your cues from your own comfort level; the only real “edge” is yours and your partner’s.
    Myth #4: “Dungeons are gross and scary.”
     
    CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR-! ER, WELL, ACTUALLY . . .
    OK, all right, yes. Some dungeons are gross and scary and . . . dungeon-esque. And do you know why? Because some perverts enjoy the down-’n’-dirty, hot and taboo energy they experience in such a space.
    I met a guy who, upon eagerly arriving at a dungeon, seemed to become more and more deflated as he took in what was happening around him. When I asked him what was up, he said he was really disappointed. The dungeon wasn’t very . . . dungeony. It was clean, and comfortable. Apparently, his perception of the scene was that he would, upon arriving at the venue, find himself beset by erotic ninjas who would overpower him and “force” him to play with everyone. While you can probably find events where one can prenegotiate to be abducted by sexy ninjas, such activities will require a lot of advance legwork.
     
    Most dungeons, though (also known as play spaces, kink clubs, erotic arenas, bondage dojos, sex temples and many other terms), are well kept. They are sometimes darkly lit for mood, and sometimes brightly illuminated so you can see what you are doing. Usually, play spaces are cleaned regularly, and exist within well-maintained venues. You will encounter the occasional venue that is not kept up, is rarely (if ever) cleaned, and really is downright creepy. Vote with your feet and your dollars. Try out the various venues available to you. “When you find what works for you, enjoy what that venue has to offer.
    Myth #5: “Walking into a kink event makes you an available target for any type of perversion.”
     
    DENIED!
    First of all, we are all about consent. Permission must be requested and granted before any of this freaky deliciousness takes place. Period. Second, not everyone enjoys the same activities. Third, you don’t have to play in public. You can be kinky and a wholly private player. If you occasionally wish to share in the energy of an open dungeon, that is fine. If you thrive under the admiring glances of fellow kinksters, public play is your happy place. And if you never want