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of a meeting:
“We have before us a carefully researched and well-argued proposal.”
    This statement may make it far more likely the proposal will be accepted than:
“Right, well, that was ... err ... interesting. Is there anyone else who wants to speak in favor of it or shall we move on?”
    Empower the person
    The best way to argue is not to tell the other person what to do, but to get them to work it out for themselves. A person is more likely to “own” the solution if they are part of it. This is why it can be so persuasive to give people the arguments on either side. Imagine a local meeting where Bob speaks:

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“We’re here to decide about whether to oppose the new mobile phone tower being erected. We have heard all the benefits: our phone reception will be a bit better; we will get a bit of extra money; and we will have found a use for that piece of waste land. We have heard about the disadvantages: there is a small increase in the risk our children will get cancer; the land cannot be used to build a fantastic new playground; it will destroy the beautiful views from the hills. We need to weigh these to reach our own decision about what’s best.”
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    You can be in little doubt where Bob’s sympathies lie, but he’s not telling you directly what to think. He’s leaving it to you to work it out for yourself. Of course, he has set down a clear path he wants your thinking to follow.
    Summary
    Spend time on the presentation of your argument. Make sure you keep it simple and keep it attractive. Address not only the arguments you have in favor of your case, but also the arguments against. Use dramatic, exciting language to draw your listener into your enthusiasm for your case.
    In practice
    How you present an argument isn’t about a new outfit or a haircut. Of course grooming matters in many situations. But in arguments, groom your words. Be clear, colorful and courageous. Be clever, concise and calm. But most of all be charming. Use humor and humility to empower the other person to see things from your point of view. Then you will win.

Chapter 4. Golden Rule 4: Listen and listen again
    The goal of an argument is to explain to another person your concerns or views about something and hopefully to win them over to your way of thinking. Expressing yourself clearly is therefore crucial and we shall be talking about that later. But, if you’re to persuade another person, you must listen to what they’re saying.
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    Listen, listen, listen. It’s such good advice I mention it thrice.
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    There are three important reasons for this:
• You will only persuade someone of something if you address the concerns they have.
• You must present your arguments in terms that the other person will find convincing.
• By keeping quiet (when listening) you’re giving the other person time to present their arguments. The weakness of their view may become more apparent to them and to others, and they might very well “shoot themselves in the foot.”
    As a general rule, you should spend more time listening than talking. Aim for listening for 75 percent of the conversation and giving your own arguments for about 25 percent.
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Tip
You want to talk with not talk at the other person.
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    Getting the other person to talk
    Listening sounds like the easiest thing in the world, but in fact it’s very difficult. The temptation is to think about what you want to say when the other person is talking. You can see this most obviously when a person interrupts another person. They are so focused on what they want to say that they’re not listening.

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Tip
Don’t interrupt. It’s rude. By interrupting you’re implying that what you want to say is far more important than what the other person is saying.
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    Listening to someone is not just keeping quiet while they’re talking. It involves trying to understand what the person is saying and why. If you don’t understand, then ask for clarification. Some people will need