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help explaining their view. As we said earlier, some people just state their conclusions and need to be encouraged to explain their reasoning.
“That’s really interesting. I’ve never met someone who thought that the world was flat. Why do you think that?”
    Asking a question of the other person is important because it reveals to you where they’re coming from and what are the foundations of their arguments. Only once you know these can you seek to challenge them.
    You might find that the person doesn’t know why they think what they do. You may even need to help them:
“You say you think cousins who marry are disgusting. Is that because of religious reasons? Or are you worried about any children they may have with birth defects?”
    Of course some (maybe most) people haven’t thought through why they have a particular view.
    Address the other person’s arguments
    Consider this argument:

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Getting it wrong
Brian:    “There’s no other choice; we’ll have to fire Lucy.”
Sheila:   “But she has two young children and it will be cruel to fire her.”
Brian:    “She’s just costing the firm too much and we need to reduce our payroll.”
Sheila:   “But it’s just coming up to Christmas, it will be hard on the children.”
Brian:    “The company is going to go bust if we don’t do something to cut costs. Firing her is the easiest way to cut costs.”
Sheila:   “You’re just being cruel and heartless.”
Brian:    “We must be realistic.”
Sheila:   “You just don’t understand.”
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    This argument is not going well. The problem, for both Sheila and Brian, is that they’re not listening to what the other person is saying. Brian is not addressing Sheila’s real objection to the proposed dismissal. He can make as many points as he likes about the financial wisdom of the decision, but none of those are addressing Sheila’s central concern, which is about Lucy’s children. Similarly, Sheila can make as many points as she wants about the children, but that’s not considering the issue from Brian’s perspective. It’s as if they’re trying to play tennis together, but each is hitting a different ball. The argument is not going to get anywhere. Brian needs to persuade Sheila that the dismissal is not going to be harsh on Lucy and her family, or to think of a way of lessening the blow. Perhaps, for example, the dismissal could be postponed until after Christmas. Sheila needs to suggest other ways of saving money if Brian is to be persuaded not to fire Lucy.
    So a key part of winning an argument is listening to the statements that the other person is making and addressing them. If you don’t, you’ll keep making points that the other person won’t agree with, and you’re not addressing the reason for your disagreement.
    What arguments will convince the other person?
    What will disinguish an excellent arguer from a good arguer is whether they can present arguments that will convince the other person. You may have a host of excellent points to support your case, but you need to choose from your arsenal the arguments that will most persuade the person you’re talking to. Then you need to think about the best way of presenting those arguments, making them most attractive to the person you’re arguing with. What you might think is a really good argument might not be a good argument to the person you’re talking to.
    Consider this discussion between Alison and Charles:
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Getting it wrong
Alison:    “People on welfare are just are lazy scroungers.”
Charles:   “That’s not fair. My friend Mary has been trying to get a job for months. She tries really hard and it’s not that easy.”
Alison:    “Well, I read this study in the newspaper last week that said that over $12 million is lost each year through welfare fraud.”
Charles:   “But Mary isn’t defrauding anyone. She’s a very honest person.”
Alison:    “Do you know how much of