Backteria and Other Improbable Tales

Read Backteria and Other Improbable Tales for Free Online

Book: Read Backteria and Other Improbable Tales for Free Online
Authors: Richard Matheson
honkin’. This big crowd all around watchin’ the cop movin’ in on this crazy guy. Yeah, a regular scene.
    Drop that club! says the cop. He takes another step.
    The crazy guy jumps!
    Bang
! goes the rod. Tears a hole out the guy’s right shoulder. He goes floppin’ back. Falls on the sidewalk. Squirmin’ around. Blood all over the place. Jeez what a mess.
    Get this though
!
    Even with half his shoulder shot off, this guy
starts getting’ up again
. Yeah! Jeez you never seen nothin’ like it, I tell ya Mack. What stren’th!
    Well the cop moves in fast and gives him a
whack
on the head with a butt. The guy goes down. But he gets up again! Honest I never seen such stren’th.
    He takes a swing at the cop with his left arm. The cop gives him another on the head. The guy goes down for good. He’s
out
.
    No wait, there’s some more.
    After the ambulance comes and they all get carried away, I go back to Dot. Sure, she’s still there. Whattaya think? No dame is gonna run out on dough. Am I right or wrong?
    So we start back up the street. I see the blood on the sidewalk. The slob from the store is tryin’ to mop it up. Kills his business, see?
    Then I notice, who’s waking beside me but the old jerk with the bible.
    Well whattaya say? I says to him, kiddin’ him along.
You
know.
    He looks at me. Doesn’t say nothin’, just looks at me like he was tryin’ to figure where the hell I come from. A real character.
    Where do you think the guy come from? I says to him.
    So he stares at me. And,
get this Mack
, he says:
    From the past.
    Yeah! How do you like that? Wait though. That ain’t the best part.
    I give him the once over, see? Then, just before we reach the corner I says—From the past haah? and give ‘him an elbow in the rib.
    And he says—get this—
Maybe from the future
!
    Yeah! What do ya do with guys like that? Ya put ‘em away. That’s right.
    So me and Dot went to the Paramount. Wait, I’ll tell ya.
    Boy, hey,
that Frankie Laine
!

Professor Fritz and the Runaway House
    Once there was an inventor named Professor Fritz. He had a helper named Willy and a cat named Manfred. They all lived together in a big house just outside the city.
    One day Professor Fritz invented a blue powder to make things come to life.
    “Give me something to bring to life,” Professor Fritz said to Willy.
    Willy got a red broom and put it on the inventing table. Professor Fritz sprinkled some blue powder on it.
    “It’s not doing anything,” said Willy.
    “Don’t be so crazy impatient,” said Professor Fritz. He sprinkled a little more blue powder on the broom.
    Suddenly, the fur stood up on Manfred the cat.
    Suddenly Willy’s mouth opened wide. “Oh, wow,” he said.
    The red broom was getting up.
    It stood on its straws and swayed back and forth. Then it jumped down to the floor and started hopping around.
    “That’s incredible!” said Willy.
    “It’s pretty good, all right,” said Professor Fritz. “Give me something else to bring to life.”
    Willy took a hammer from his overalls pocket and put it on the inventing table. Professor Fritz sprinkled some blue powder on it and it jumped up.
    Then Professor Fritz sprinkled some blue powder on a screwdriver and a flashlight and an empty soda bottle. They all started running around the top of the inventing table.
    The hammer chased the screwdriver and hit it on the head.
    The flashlight kept turning itself on and off and frightened the soda bottle so badly that it jumped off the table and broke into a hundred pieces. Manfred the cat yowled and jumped into Willy’s back pocket.
    Professor Fritz turned to the red broom which was still hopping around the floor.
    “Hey, you!” he said. “Sweep up that broken glass, would you?”
    “Maybe I will and maybe I won’t,” said the broom.
    Professor Fritz got angry with the broom for talking back. He put down the jar of blue powder and started chasing the broom around the inventing room.
    “Boy, when I catch you, you

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