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So, again, I’m sorry.”
    “Well, let’s have a fresh start, then.”
    “There’s just one thing, though. Dillon called me the other day. He claimed you forgot to cook them dinner and said he had to go and buy them some fish and chips with his last bit of pocket money. Now, I know that’s rubbish, but I’m worried about their behaviour. About what’s happening to all of you.”
    And then I open up to the woman I have always felt uncomfortable around, telling her things I haven’t even told James. Explaining my daily struggle with the boys.
    Emma listens patiently until I’ve finished. “Look, of course it’s hard. This happened so quickly for them and they’re resisting you at every step. But what you’ve got to think about is what it’s doing to James. All this arguing and tension. He’s stuck in the middle with no idea how to keep everyone happy. I just think it’s putting a lot of pressure on him.”
    I watch her mouth moving as she speaks and I know she is right. I shouldn’t be running to James every time the boys misbehave. I need to sort it out myself. Keep him out of it as much as I can. For his sake. “You’re right.” I say. “So does James talk to you about this a lot?” I try to keep my voice casual, to hide the fact my stomach is flipping.
    Emma nods. “Yes, he does. But it’s only because he doesn’t want to upset you. It’s not that he’s going behind your back or anything.”
    “I know.”
    “It’s just such a difficult situation. But he knows you’re trying your best for Dillon and Luke.” Emma takes another sip of coffee and puts down her mug. I still haven’t touched mine. “Look, I know Lauren was my best friend, but I just want James to be happy. I was thrilled when he told me he’d met someone, even though it was quite soon. Even the age gap didn’t factor in, but then...” She trails off, probably remembering Luke’s face that day. The wails that wouldn’t stop, even hours afterwards. “The accident, Callie. I just can’t get my head around that.”
    “I –”
    “It doesn’t matter. I just don’t think it’s helped things.” She stares into her mug and avoids looking at me. Clearly it does matter. It matters a lot.

 
    Chapter Five
     
    My mood is shot by the time we get to the restaurant, but I try my best to focus on James. I am lucky to have him. He is a good man, a good husband. I need to cling to that, and hope the rest will fall into place.
                  We are at our favourite Indian restaurant, in Wimbledon Village. James wanted us both to have a drink so he suggested we walk here and get a taxi home later. I was happy with this plan because it meant leaving the house earlier, escaping from the boys’ hatred, but now my ankles are sore, the skin raw from rubbing against my new shoes.
                  “We don’t do this enough,” James says, studying the menu. After a moment he looks up and smiles at me. “D’you remember we came here on our first date? Our first official date, that is. We’d had plenty of coffees together in The Coffee Bean, hadn’t we? I was so nervous, Callie, my palms were sweating.”
    I smile as I remember. Neither of us ate much because we were so engrossed in our conversation.
    James leans forward. “I couldn’t believe you’d agreed to come out with me. I felt like I’d won the lottery.” The cheeky grin I love so much spreads across his face, making me sadder and guiltier about the tension at home. “Do you remember after? We went back to yours. It was amazing, Callie. You were amazing. I knew then I couldn’t let you go, that even if you kicked me out afterwards I would fight for you.”
    I reach across the table for his hand and stroke it, letting the familiar feel of his skin comfort me, wash everything else away, letting his words remind me who we are.
                  “But like I said, we really should do this more often. I know I’ve been busy but I’ll make