Read X-Treme Latin: Lingua Latina Extrema for Free Online

future perfect indicative. We’ll only have one chance to achieve a case shift.
    Intramus tempus futurum perfectum modo indicativo. Unam tantum occasionem habebimus mutandi casum.
    We’re slipping into the passive. Quick, reroute all available power to the verb endings.
    In genus passivum labimur. Inmitte cito impetum omnem quem in promptu habemus in terminationes verborum.
    We have entered. We shall have entered! Do be entering!
    Intravimus! Intraverimus! Intratote!
    To be continued . . .
    Narratio resumetur . . .

Attack Ads—
PRAECONIUM PROCAX CANDIDATORUM
    Ask my opponent why he wants to put a tax on Bibles and American flags to buy gourmet meals for convicted murderers
    Quaerite a competitore meo cur vectigal Bibliis Sacris et vexillis Americanis imponere velit ad epulas comparandas homicidis condemnatis
    Call my opponent and demand that he stop accepting campaign contributions from operators of nursing-home casinos, publishers of pornographic children’s books, and owners of Mexican puppy mills
    Vocantes competitorem meum poscite ut desinat accipere ad ambitionem alendam dona vel ab eis qui virginibus puerisque libros edunt Sotadicos, vel ab eis qui aleatoria in gerontocomiis apparant, vel ab eis qui catellos in Hispania Nova immodice alunt

    * Ask my opponent why he wants to put a tax on Bibles and American flags to buy gourmet meals for convicted murderers
    ** Tell my opponent you oppose his plan to sponsor a law forcing Sunday schools to hire unemployed bilingual homosexual drug addicts
    Tell my opponent you oppose his plan to sponsor a law forcing Sunday schools to hire unemployed bilingual homosexual drug addicts
    Dicite competitori meo vos obstare proposito suo ferendi legem quae cogat ludos Dominicales conducere paedicatores otiosos bilingues narcomaniacos

Business Latin—
SERMO LATINUS NEGOTIALIS
    I respectfully decline to answer on the grounds that anything I might say would be a bald-faced lie
    Recuso reverenter ne respondeam, quia quicquid dicam id sit mendacium impudens
    It wasn’t all done with smoke and mirrors—there were some bells and whistles, too
    Non solum fumo speculisque, sed etiam tintinnabulis fistulisque factum est
    It wasn’t really a loss, it was a loan, which of course shows up as a profit
    Non vero damnum erat sed mutuum, quod scilicet in rationibus existimatur lucrum
    I was out of the loop, but I distinctly remember asking if it passed the smell test
    Consilii particeps non eram, tamen memini clare me rogare num id insidias oleret
    Due to an alien abduction, I have no recollection of anything else during that particular period of time
    Quod raptus sum a transaetheriis, omnia quae evenerunt illo tempore de memoria mea exciderunt
    I only sold my stock because a gypsy fortune-teller told me it was an unlucky month for any company with a vowel in its name
    Omnes partes meas vendidi tantummodo eo, quod Aegyptia sortilega mihi dixit mensem infaustum esse cuiquam societati quae vocalem in nomine habet
    Plus which, I needed cash to buy a condominium for my daughter’s hamster
    Mihi autem pecunia opus erat ad domicilium emendum criceto filiae meae
    I mistook the shredder for a Xerox machine
    Discissorem esse Xerographium perperam putavi
    Look, let me off the hook and I will rat out every single person in the whole company
    Age, da mihi veniam ac impunitatem, deferam unumquemque hominum in societate

Furat Emptor—
LET THE BUYER GO MAD
    Ministerium consultatorium rerum technicarum tibi gratias agit quod vocavisti
    Thank you for calling tech support
    Verisimile est te haudquaquam intellegere quod dicimus; quid enim?
    You probably don’t understand a word we’re saying; but so what?
    Vocatum tuum nullius momenti putamus eumque neglegemus in ordine
    Your call is of no interest to us and will be ignored in the order it was received
    Fieri potest ut vocatum tuum subauscultemus vel transcribamus animi causa
    Your call may be monitored or recorded to provide us with entertainment
    Omnes