The Naked Pint

Read The Naked Pint for Free Online

Book: Read The Naked Pint for Free Online
Authors: Christina Perozzi
100. The higher the number, the higher the concentration of bitter compounds in the beer. For example, a mass-produced American lager might have an IBU of 5 on the scale, whereas an extreme Tripel IPA could have an IBU as high as 100.
    We encourage you to use your own palate to determine bitterness because the IBU scale can be a bit confusing for newer craft beer drinkers. Some of the more advanced drinkers, and those who are adept at brewing, may begin to pay closer attention to these numbers. Some innovative brewers are starting to put this number on bottle labels, but more often than not, this number is not shown on the beer bottle. If you’re worried about bitterness, it will help to know the general range of IBUs for each beer style. You can usually find the IBU number for a beer on the brewery’s website. For an IBU range for beer styles, check out the Beer Judge Certification Program’s website ( w w w.bjcp.org ).
    The second acronym, ABV, stands for alcohol by volume and directly relates to how drunk you are going to get. If you’re used to drinking mass-produced lagers, the beers you’ve been drinking are probably between 3% and 5% ABV. When you start getting into craft beers, the ABVs range from the familiar 3% to 5% to big beers that come in at 13% or more (drzunk!!).
    If you’re going to drink a beer, or a few, you’d better know your ABVs. Believe us when we tell you that there is a huge difference between a 5% beer and an 8% beer. A 5% beer can make you friendly; an 8% beer can make you French kiss a tree. Of course, this all depends on how well you can hold your liquor. Can you handle your martinis, or do you get sauced after half a glass of Pinot Gris? It’s critical, especially for women, to be vigilant about how much alcohol we are actually consuming. Know your ABVs, and you, your neighbor, and her flower garden will thank us.

The Secret of Beer: How to Get the Beer You Want
    Now that you’ve got Beer 101 under your belt, it’s time to take what you know out for a spin in the real world. You now know more than probably 80% of the beer-ordering public, and you have the power to get what you want out of your beer experience. Ordering your first real beer can be daunting. Even we were intimidated the first time we ordered a craft beer. We were dry mouthed and tongue tied. We thought, “Hey! We know about fermentation, we know our ales from our lagers. What’s the problem here?” The fact is that even though we knew what we liked, we didn’t know how to communicate it. Communication is a continuing challenge for any relationship, and learning how to ask for what you want from beer can take some practice, but the Universal Law of Attraction and the Secret of Beer is, If you know how to ask for what you want, you just might get it.
    We’ve already told you that beer falls into two types: ales and lagers. But it’s not good enough to be this general when asking for beer. Would you go onto Match.com and describe the person you’re looking for as brown-haired, with no other descriptors? If you do, every brown-haired freak under the sun is going to think you have extremely low standards and that he or she may finally have a chance. In short, do not go up to the bar and ask simply for an ale or a lager or, worse yet, “something light.”
    Ask yourself first what specific flavors you are craving at the moment. We’ve just given you a vocabulary of styles and a few basic flavor descriptors based on beer’s ingredients. Use these to get specific about your desires. You don’t have to order any old beer. If you’re feeling a bit devilish, ask for a spicy, yeasty ale. If you need a palate cleanser, ask for a hoppy, crisp Pale Ale. As with anything, the more specific you get, the more you will specifi cally get what you want. And that is true gratification in life.
    Try ordering in progression from the flavor you want the most down to the more nuanced flavors. For example, say you want the complex,

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