Read Tales from a Not-So-Fabulous Life for Free Online Page A

ANGRY, because I don’t follow her around, SPYING on her and getting allup in her Kool-Aid (which, BTW, means “business”).
     
    Well, at least not that often.
     
    Today was like TOTALLY an exception, mainly because we were both turning in entries for the art competition at the same time.
     
    But to stoop so low as to SPY on me?!
     
    THAT GIRL IS ONE SICK LITTLE PUPPY!

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 17
    I can’t believe I’m actually writing this while hiding in the janitor supply closet!! I know it’s supergrungy in here and smells like an old, wet, mildewy mop, but I didn’t know where else to go. I ABSOLUTELY
     
    HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE!
     
    THIS STUPID SCHOOL!!
     
    Today at lunch, I was carrying my tray and trying to get to table 9, where I was supposed to meet Chloe and Zoey. Things were going pretty good, because I had managed to sneak past the jock table without the football players making those embarrassing farting noises with their armpits.
     
    But as I was walking past MacKenzie’s table, I really wasn’t paying attention. She and Jessica must have STILL been pretty mad at me about the party invitation and the art competition, because this is what happened:
    ME IN THE LUNCHROOM TRYING TO GET TO TABLE 9

    I tripped, and suddenly, everything started moving in slow motion. My lunch tray went flying up over my head, and I heard a very familiar voice shrieking,
    “Noooooooo!”
    Then in HORROR, I realized it was MINE!
     
    CRASH!

    I fell flat on the floor and was so stunned, I could barely breathe. My spaghetti and cherry jubilee dessert were smeared across my face and the front of my clothes. I looked like a life-size version of one of Brianna’s messy finger paintings.
     
    I just closed my eyes and lay there like a beached whale, with every inch of my body aching. Even myhair hurt. However, the worst part was that the entire cafeteria was laughing like crazy.
     
    I was SO embarrassed, I wanted to DIE. I could barely see, because I had cherry jubilee in my eyes and it made everything look red and really blurry.
     
    Finally, I gathered the strength to crawl to my knees.
     
    But each time I tried to get up, I slipped in the mixture of spaghetti and milk and fell back down again.
     
    I have to admit, I probably looked hilarious sloshing around in my lunch like that.
     
    And if it hadn’t actually been happening to ME, I definitely would have been laughing my butt off along with everyone else.
     
    Then, MacKenzie folded her arms, glared at me, and yelled,
     
    “SO, NIKKI, ARE YOU HAVING A NICE TRIP?!”
     
    Of course, that witty little comment made everyone laugh even harder.
     
    It was the CRUELEST thing MacKenzie could have possibly said, especially since she was partially responsible for my “trip.”
     
    I was so humiliated, I started to cry.
     
    The good news was the tears washed all the gunk out of my eyes, and I could see again.
     
    But the bad news was, all I could see was this guy kneeling over me with a camera dangling in my face.
     
    And only ONE person in the whole entire school owns a camera like that.
     
    In a split second, I knew exactly what was going to appear on the FRONT PAGE of the next issue of our school newspaper!
     
    And I was NOT going to be sending that article to any of my relatives.

    It was very clear to me that some way, somehow, MacKenzie had completely charmed Brandon with her awesome beautyliciousness and lured him over to the DARK SIDE!
     
    And then BRAINWASHED him!
     
    How could my CRUSH—the secret LOVE of my life—do such a HORRIBLE and WICKED thing to me?!
     
    I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart with my favorite lucky ink pen—the hot pink sparkly one withthe feathers, beads, and sequins on the end—and left to die. On the floor of the cafeteria. With everyone watching. And laughing. By my beloved BRANDON!!
     
    Then the most bizarre thing happened!
     
    Brandon kind of smiled at me, slid his camera