poems Betsinda Dances, published by the Oxford University Press in 1931, is an inkling:
âEveningâ
I have looked too long upon the sunset.
    Its spell has stripped me bare
Of all the comfortable thoughts
    That commonly I wear.
Eveningâs the chink in the soulâs armour,
    And through it I can feel
The soft cold fingers of desolation
    Silently, deftly steal.
Noughtâs left of joy now but its transience;
    Of pride, but its loneliness.
Loveâs a dim ache, a dying music,
    Beautiful, comfortless.
Colour to greyness turns, and slowly
    Light fades from the sky:
I sit bowed down by the weight of evening,
    Too sorrowful to cry.
Joyce got a part-time job as a secretary at Scotland Yard in 1919. It was one way of satisfying her childhood agony of curiosity about what happened to drunkards when they went inside the doors of Rochester Row Police Station. Her superior, looking over her shoulder one morning, happened to see her typing out a court report riddled with four-letter words: âI think weâll have one of the men finish that one, Miss Anstruther.â For years afterwards she remained friends with the detectives at Scotland Yard, and dropped in sometimes to play poker with them.
She was now a modern maiden, wearing high-heeled shoes and smoking cigarettes. The metaphors she used in her early articles in the Graphic and the Evening Standard (published in 1920 and 1921) reflect her daily experience: something was âas bland as a cocktail without iceâ, and you could as little do something else as âlive on a diet of salted almondsâ. The débutanteâs life involved many iceless cocktails and salted-almond evenings. Polite young men escorted her home to 25 Curzon Street in Mayfair, where she lived with her mother, the Dame.
Joyceâs first love was Peter Sanders, whose details are to be found in the leather-bound notebook in which she recorded âDances, Dinners, Boys, Girls, Etc.â between 1918 and 1920. Under âMen, 1920â appears âSanders, Arthur (Peter), 3 Eaton Square, VIC 3785. Bayford Lodge, Wincanton, Somerset. 3rd Grenadier Gd., Gds Club.â
The modern maiden
Joyce burned her diaries in 1921 and never wrote about Peter afterwards, so it is only from the spidery handwriting of her best friend Frankie Whitehead that we know Peter to have been âa wonderful person, good-looking, very clean, very popular and very niceâ. The last dance Joyce went to with him was at Claridgeâs on 11 November 1920 â the Armistice Dance. Peter went away for a few daysâ hunting after that, and on 22 November shot himself. Gambling debts were the official reason.
A month after Peterâs death Joyce wrote this poem, which she called âImmortalityâ. It is not what one might expect from someone soon to be writing hymns.
They talk to me of the immortal soul:
    And maybe they speak the truth.
But O! small comfort, when I want the whole
    Bright bravery of your youth
Which grim death stole.
And yet wise men, forsooth,
        Try with vague tales of immortality
        To comfort me.
They talk to me of all eternity:
    I think it sounds too vast
And overwhelming just for you and me,
    Two pagan lovers; we should be aghast
And shiver at its cold immensity.
Iâd rather be
    Back in our little past â
Transient, perhaps, but we
        Found it sweet, even though it might not last
        Like this strange solemn immortality
        They offer me.
The cocktails and salted almonds carried on. The social system may have seemed cock-eyed to Joyce, but she had no qualms about enjoying what it