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problem. But if I may say so, the paradigm of wrong is itself wrong! All you need to do in order to see that things don’t always go the way you expect is to look at the world around you. Life is an all-inclusive package. You might think you paid only for joy/success/perfection, but like it or not, sadness/failure/inconsistency comes with the purchase price. “Wrong” is sometimes just part of the deal. Until we accept that fact—which holds up in the bedroom as well as everywhere else in life, BTW—we’ll be running around like chickens with our heads cut off, chasing the good experiences and trying to avoid the bad ones. (A futile effort if I’ve ever seen one.) The irony is that the more we try to hang on to our best-ever sexual experiences for dear life, the more the not-so-good ones stick out. And the more we resist our sex problems, the more irritating/frustrating/painful they become. They start to take up a lot of energy—energy we might otherwise be putting toward other things.
    Like, say, more orgasmic, more connected, more pleasurable sex. Yes?
    No wonder we start to think that there’s such a thing as “sex problems.”
    So the question is not how can we solve the problems that come along with sex, but instead, how can we extend and increase the pleasurable experiences we love, whilecoming to terms with all the other stuff, too? How do we at least make a truce with things like disappointment and failure and a sense of disconnection, so we can spend our time enjoying orgasmic bliss and deep connection and everything else that sex has to offer us?
    The answer is Slow Sex, and the practice of Orgasmic Meditation. OM does offer a solution, and technically it is a technique. But what it’s not is a recipe. It makes no promises about solving so-called sex problems, because in OM, there are no such things as problems, no such thing as hiding from the difficulties or clinging to the good times like a life preserver. By stripping away any expectations we have about what sex should or shouldn’t be, teaching us how to pay attention to our own sensation, and encouraging honest and frequent communication with our partner, OM teaches us how to enjoy all the facets of our sexuality.
    Unlike a science, when you decide to OM you’re not getting any guarantees about the outcome. The only thing guaranteed is that, if you follow the instructions and really approach it with an open mind, you will end up an artist. You will become reacquainted with your own personal muse: your own genuine orgasm. Your tools will be your partner, your own body, and your desire. Your only job is to pay attention. There, in that moment of listening, of using your desire as a compass, you go from experiencing sex as a science to sex as an art. That is the switch that turns the lights on. It’s what your sex life is asking for.
    The result—the reward you will get for this radical act of relaxation—is freedom. Freedom from all the pressure that usually accompanies sex. Men, especially, are freed from the constant pressure that sex, and particularly their partner’s orgasm, needs to be “figured out.” The sheersimplicity of the OM practice, and the fact that no particular outcome is expected, relegates their fixing mind to the back burner. Women, for our part, are freed from the narrow definition of “orgasmic” that we’ve been confined to ever since we learned what sex was about. Instead of forging ahead toward a climax as it is traditionally defined, our every experience, our every sensation, becomes part of our orgasm. This last point cannot be overstated. For re-envisioning our definition of “orgasm”—modeling it on the nuance of female orgasm, rather than the goal orientation of male orgasm—allows all of us, men and women alike, to draw more complete nourishment from our sex.

    After starting to practice OM, you can’t help but have a completely different definition of orgasm. Whereas once we thought of orgasm as an