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finished reading it, I knew that it was all true and that you were a real talking cat. I just had to find you.’
    Selby pushed against the bars again and felt the warmth of Sylvia’s soft fur. He thought of the times he and Sylvia would have together,talking and laughing together and comparing peanut prawns and cashew prawns.
    â€˜I’ve never had cashew prawns,’ Selby said, ‘but if you like them I know I’ll love them. Have you ever tried peanut prawns?’
    Selby waited for an answer, but Sylvia was silent.
    â€˜Trust me, Sylvia,’ he said. ‘And let me warn you about talking to everyone here today. It could be the biggest mistake you ever make. I haven’t told anyone about my secret because I’m afraid that if it gets out it would ruin my life forever. I think you ought to think very carefully about this too.’
    Another tingle went through him as Sylvia’s eyes met his.
    â€˜People with cameras will be poking them in the windows of your house,’ Selby warned. ‘They’ll be knocking on your door in the middle of the night to get your autograph. And you’ll have to be very careful that no one catnaps you.’
    Sylvia sat staring silently at Selby. She opened her mouth, as if about to speak, only to close it again.
    â€˜I know it’s hard when you’ve only ever talked to Fiona,’ said Selby, ‘but you can trust me. Honest. And I’ve got a plan, Sylv. I’m going to open your cage and we will go away together. What do you think?’
    â€˜Miaow.’
    â€˜Oh Sylvie, Sylvie, Sylvie,’ Selby pleaded. ‘Please don’t do this to me. We can both speak our own languages — we know that. But if we’re going to make this friendship work, we’ll have to talk people-talk. Say something. Give me a sign, any sign.’
    â€˜Miaow miaow,’ Sylvia miaowed, this time more softly than ever.
    Selby felt his legs begin to buckle under him as he looked at the beautiful creature in front of him. Then suddenly he remembered when he’d fallen in love with Luluand how he’d been fooled by a robot. And he remembered the disaster that happened when he fell in love with the famous actress Bonnie Blake.And thenthe disappointment when he fell in love with the beautiful Afghan Equity.
    Suddenly Selby straightened up.
    â€˜Okay, Sylvia, I can see you’re not going to talk to me. Maybe you don’t trust me or maybe you’re shy. Or maybe your throat is too sore from lots of talking. But I have to know if you can understand me, so I’m going to tell you a joke. If you understand it, you’ll laugh. You won’t be able to stop yourself. Here goes … Okay, so there was this elephant and this mouse walking along the street one day and …’
    Selby went on and on telling his killer joke to Sylvia. Finally he got to the punchline.
    â€˜Then, with a twinkle in his eye the elephant said to the mouse …’ Selby stopped and looked at Sylvia. ‘Are you ready for this?’ he asked.
    â€˜Yes, of course. Keep going,’ a voice said.
    Selby looked down at Sylvia in amazement, but before he could say anything, a voice behind him said, ‘Well, go ahead!’
    Selby spun around to see the two women standing in the doorway.
    â€˜I don’t believe it!’ Fiona cried. ‘A real, live talking animal!’
    â€˜I don’t believe it either!’ Davina cried. ‘I thought you’d just made it all up about animals talking!’
    â€˜I thought I had too!’ Fiona said.
    â€˜Gulp,’ Selby gulped, and he could feel the sweat starting to pour off him. ‘I’ve been caught red-mouthed. They know my secret! Maybe if I tell them the punchline, they’ll laugh so hard I’ll be able to get away. No, that’s no good, because they probably didn’t hear the joke from the beginning. Besides, they’ve seen what I look like now.