Read Priestley Plays Four for Free Online

They’ll be dead leaves soon.
(He now begins emptying the crème-de-menthe bottle into the tankard, to the astonishment of the other two.)
But they won’t change while it’s still the thirty-first.
    SAM: The thirty-first, eh? Did you see a dwarf out there?
    MALGRIM: I did. Grumet’s his name. He’s in my employment for the time being.
    SAM:
(Indignantly.)
He ran away with my painting.
    MALGRIM: Ah – yes – the portrait of Princess Melicent. Well, she’s seen it – she’s delighted with it – and is longing to make your acquaintance, Sam. That’s why I’m here.
(Raises the tankard.)
My respects and good wishes, Sam.
(To the astonishment of the other two, he drains it slowly.)
    BARMAID:
(Alarmed.)
Stop him – ’e’ll be unconscious in a minute. A whole bottle of creem-de-menthy!
    MALGRIM:
(Smiling as he puts down tankard.)
Very refreshing. Now Sam – I want to keep our talk free from any professional pedantry, if I can – but how familiar are you with the problems of higher space?
    SAM: Not at all. Who’s Princess Melicent?
    MALGRIM: Suppose we assume a universe of six dimensions. The first three are length, breadth and thickness. The next three might be called – first, the sphere of attention and material action; second, the sphere of memory; third, the sphere of imagination.
    SAM: What do you mean when you say you’re here because this princess wants to make my acquaintance?
    MALGRIM: Whatever is imagined must exist somewhere in the universe. Now you probably think Princess Melicent is an imaginary figure –
    SAM: I do and I don’t.
    MALGRIM: Quite right. Because of course she is and she isn’t. And while she knows that she herself is in real life, she feels that you must be outside it – as of course I do.
    SAM:
(Rather indignantly.)
You mean you don’t call this real life?
    MALGRIM: Of course not. A horrible confused botch of dreams, nightmares, phantasies, and mixed partial enchantments. But of course it exists, just as you exist in it – and you too of course, my dear –
(To BARMAID.)
    BARMAID: Much obliged. I was getting worried.
    SAM: Where does my painting come in?
    MALGRIM: It doesn’t yet. I’m now explaining how it’s possible to move – once you know the trick – from our world to yours, yours to ours. I leave real life for imaginary life and meet you. When you go back with me, as you will do shortly, then
you
leave real life for imaginary life, to meet the princess. Which is real, which is imaginary, depends on the position of the observer. It could truthfully be said that both are real, both are imaginary.
    SAM: What about the dwarf – which is he?
    MALGRIM: Not quite either at the moment – I’ve sent him home.
    Enter CAPTAIN PLUNKET, as before
.
    BARMAID:
He’s
back. That’s all we needed.
    CAPT. P.: Two double Scotches, dear. What about you two?
    SAM: No thanks. Got one. Captain Plunket – Mr Malgrim – the illusionist –
    CAPT. P.: Of course. Couldn’t place you for a moment. Seen you at the Savage Club. Remember you at the old Holborn Empire, too. Wonderful act.
(To BARMAID as she produces drinks, tossing ten shilling note again.)
Thank you, dear. Keep the change.
(Drinks.)
    SAM: You sent the dwarf home? Where’s that?
    MALGRIM: The Kingdom of Peradore.
    CAPT. P.: Don’t know it – but knew a fellow called Peradore. He’d six fingers on each hand. Never kept his hands still, though. Fellas nearly went barmy trying to count his fingers.
    SAM:
(To MALGRIM.)
Peradore? Sounds to me like something out of Arthurian legends. So how can anybody
go
there?
    MALGRIM:
(Smoothly.)
In the third sphere are parallel times, diverging and converging times, and times spirally intertwined.
    CAPT. P.: It just shows you. And talking of times, I can put you on to a fella who has four gross of Swiss watches in the spare tank of his motor yacht. Daren’t land ’em. He’s hot as a stove.
(Drains his other glass.)
Let’s have a spot of lunch. Troc or somewhere. On