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nature of being human.
    Essential to our ability to grow, evolve, and change is our capacity to notice what we do and to make conscious adjustments. However, the best way for us to do this is to have compassion for ourselves. All too often we either stay in denial about certain things that are detrimental to us, or when we do notice them we end up judging ourselves so harshly that we hurt ourselves even more in the process—thus making authentic change difficult, painful, and elusive.
    My friend Karen Drucker, an amazing singer, songwriter, author, and speaker, has a beautiful song called “Gentle with Myself,” which is one of my absolute favorites; it inspired the title of this chapter. This song, which is all about self-compassion, has a few poignant lyrics that I love. It starts with, “I will be gentle with myself, and I will hold myself like a newborn baby child.” Imagine if we held ourselves in that way—with the kind of love we offer to a newborn. Whether pertaining to something we’re trying to accomplish, an important relationship, our physical body, a challenge we’re facing, or anything else—we often tend to be hypercritical of ourselves, which never helps.
    Later in the song, there is a lyric that I sing to myself all the time, especially when I’m feeling scared, resistant, or worried about making a change, taking a risk, or going for something I want—“I will only go as fast as the slowest part of me feels safe to go.” This is such an important message, although often counterintuitive for those of us who pride ourselves on pushing past our limits and being bold. While taking bold actions and going for it in life are things I do believe are important and valuable, sometimes the best thing we can do is slow down, have patience, and give ourselves permission to feel scared. When we do this in an authentic and loving way, the fear almost always subsides, and then we can motivate ourselves, take action, or make any change we want—from a place of truth and self-compassion. When we’re gentle with ourselves, we remember that treating ourselves with kindness, acceptance, and love is essential to our growth and our well-being.

CHAPTER 6
    Ask for Help
    A question I love to ask when I’m speaking to an audience is “How many of you like helping other people?” No matter where I am in the world, how big the group is, or the type of people I’m speaking to (business executives, parents, athletes, salespeople, small-business owners, teens, personal-growth seekers, or anyone else), just about every single person will raise their hand in the affirmative to say “Yes, I like helping people.” I then ask a second question: “How many of you love asking other people for help?” On average, only about 10 percent of the hands will go up in response to this one.
    It’s an interesting human paradox that most of us enjoy helping others but very few of us feel comfortable asking for help. We erroneously think that asking for help makes us weak, needy, or inferior. We worry that people will judge us, reject us, or disappoint us. However, when we have the courage to ask for help, while we may not always get exactly what we ask for, we give ourselves a chance to get the support we need. We also give other people the opportunity to do something important, sacred, and meaningful—support another human being in need, which almost everyone loves to do.
    One of the most profound experiences of support that I received in my life came from my father back when I was in college. In the middle of my junior year at Stanford, I got severely, clinically depressed. I was quite familiar with depression due to my dad’s significant struggles with bipolar disorder, as well as the many other members of my family who suffered from various forms of mental illness. When I got diagnosed with clinical depression at the age of 20, not only was it incredibly painful and scary, it was also coupled with the fear and dread of having