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want, without attachment. This means that we give the other person the freedom to say yes or no, and there is no consequence either way (i.e., we won’t hold it against them, get all upset or self-righteous, or take it personally if they say no, even if we are disappointed). Sometimes, once we get over our resistance to asking for help, we actually make demands instead of requests. In other words, they better say yes, or they will be in trouble with us.
    Second, it’s important that we actually allow ourselves to receive the support. As much resistance as we have to asking for help, sometimes we have even more resistance to receiving it when it shows up. The easier we are to support, the more support we’ll receive. For some of us, myself included, receiving support from others can make us feel scared, vulnerable, and even awkward. We worry that we’re not actually worthy of support, that we’ll owe the giver something, or that somehow we’re inferior to the people who help us. None of this is true; it’s just another negative ego trap.
    Third, we need to remember the paradox of getting feedback and help from others: while it can benefit us greatly, at the deepest level, the answers, support, and guidance we are seeking are actually inside of us, always. The rub is that we often forget, and the support of those outside of us is a great reminder that helps us tap into our inner wisdom. When we embrace this important paradox, it actually gives us more freedom to ask for and receive support while also giving it to ourselves in a healthy and empowering way.

CHAPTER 7
    Don’t Get Caught in the Trap of Comparison
    A few years ago a woman sent me an e-mail suggesting that I check out the website of another author/speaker. She said he reminded her of me and thought we should know each other. I looked at his site and was very impressed by him and his work. In addition, I quickly found that I was unconsciously comparing myself to him. My gremlin started telling me how much better this guy was than me. Look at him, he’s a stud: funny, good-looking, and savvy. His site is way cooler than mine, his approach is more hip, and he has this whole thing figured out much better than I do. After looking at his website for just a few minutes and listening to my gremlin, I found that I was feeling jealous, inferior, self-conscious, and deflated.
    Sadly, many of us spend and waste a lot of time and energy comparing ourselves to others in this way. Feeling jealous is a natural human emotion. And it’s pretty common—especially given the nature of how most of us were raised and the competitive culture in which we live. However, comparison can have a negative impact on us, our dreams, our relationships, and many of the things we hold most sacred.
    Our personal and cultural obsession with competition and comparison isn’t new, although it seems to have intensified in the past few years with the explosion of social media, and how we share everything with one another in such a public way. I personally enjoy being able to celebrate the exciting stuff happening in other people’s lives, and being able to share some of my own “good stuff” with others as well. At the same time, it can be a bit of a double-edged sword. While I’m often inspired by and excited about the success of others, especially those closest to me, depending on how I’m feeling about myself at any given moment, I can get easily triggered by their success and end up feeling insecure in comparison to them—especially if they accomplish something I’m still striving for.
    On the flip side, I’ve noticed that this forum can also inspire bragging or feeling a sense of superiority when something goes really well in my life. This is even harder to admit and confront. And while it may seem like the opposite of insecurity, it’s actually just the other side of the same coin. Heads, we feel superior, tails, we feel inferior. Both are detrimental to our growth and ultimately