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typically complained that you are pulling back, withholding, or constructing obstacles and boundaries to avoid closeness or commitment.
You may be conscious of wanting less and may methodically limit how much you give as a means of avoiding the expectation of commitment.
You resent realistic expectations, such as intimacy, shared time, or fidelity.
You are very skillful at avoiding commitment and have a complex repertoire of built-in behavior patterns, such as infidelity; these help you maintain distance.
You are conscious of having disappointed and hurt your partners.
    Within your relationships are you usually the partner who wants more? If so:
     
You have often been anxious because you believe your partner is not giving you the sense of emotional security you need.
You are conscious of always trying to get your partner to do or say something concrete that will cement the relationship.
Your partners have frequently failed to fulfill your expectations.
You spend an inordinate amount of time and energy trying to ease or push your partner into more of a commitment.
Your partners have often hurt and disappointed you.
    The more-less theme brings up an important point: When people with commitment issues get together, they rarely move forward together, side by side, at the same pace. Instead they are out of synch. One moves closer, the other moves away; one moves away, the other moves closer. And it isn’t always the same person who is trying to propel the relationship forward. Partners can change places and go backward or forward many times depending upon circumstances. This is an exhausting and painful process.
    2. One or more important relationships in your history has ended because you or your partner got scared .
    Have you ever panicked and felt as though you wanted to run away from the person you were involved with? Have you ever been in love with someone who behaved this way? Outright panic is the trademark of a relationship in which one or both partners’ problems with commitment have gotten out of control.
    This level of commitment anxiety typically emerges when the situation becomes overwhelmingly “real.” That’s when panicked partners, having decided they will be stuck forever unless they “get out now,” are most likely to act out their anxieties by becoming rejective and running away.
    We have all heard of individuals unexpectedly leaving a relationship, a person, or a situation. Because the circumstances under which someone may run are so different, it’s not always easy to see commitment anxiety as the unifying theme. Keep in mind: Everyone has a different perception of what constitutes a permanent commitment . For example, fear of “forever after” can take place:
     
After a particularly good first date
As an overreaction to the first night of sexual intimacy
After a year of so of dating, just when the relationship has progressed to a level where a deeper commitment seems appropriate
Right before the wedding, when one partner realizes that he or she is in deep water
After marriage, when one partner wakes up and considers the enormity of the commitment that has been made
As a reaction to the birth of a child
As a reaction to the completion of a family (birth of the last child)
As a reaction to a major joint purchase such as a house
After many years of a solid marriage as a reaction to the aging process
    3. You have been involved in more than one relationship in which awkward limitations have been placed on intimacy .
    Intimacy is supposed to be a primary motivation in establishing a romantic relationship. But men and women with commitment issues often are unable to allow intimacy to develop in an easy way. Instead they inhibit closeness by setting up unreasonable boundaries or barriers that restrict the relationship and keep it from growing.
    Boundaries are good. Boundaries are healthy. Many people work for years in therapy to learn to define and protect their own boundaries. But often people with