Read God Hates You, Hate Him Back: Making Sense of The Bible for Free Online
Authors: C.J. Werleman
you.” (Genesis 3:16 NIV)
What a wonderfully chauvinistic command, “He will rule over you”. I have repeatedly tried unsuccessfully to point to this passage whenever my wife has forbidden me to join my mates on a night trolling strip clubs. I still haven’t given up. Even now.
Ok, that’s Adam and Eve punished. Of note is the fact that God promised Adam that he would “surely die” upon eating the apple, but God has proved already that he is not a man of his word, as Adam went on to live for another 900 years.
And what of the snake, you ask, the instigator of fucking things up for all of us? Well, here is the punitive measure God dishes out to the snake. Are you ready for this?
“ You shall crawl along your belly for the rest of your life.” (Genesis 3:14 NIV)
Are you serious? Well, call me stupid, but that hardly seems much of a punishment for a snake, that had no legs in the first place! And I’m sure the snake made a big sounding sigh of relief before slithering off to wherever it came from. Which poses an interesting question doesn’t it? The snake came from God and God put him there in the first place, whether intentionally as a ploy to tempt Eve or not. So, why punish the snake if God created him and used him for that purpose? Oh well, it seems Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the Serpent and the Serpent didn’t have a leg to stand on!
Adam & Eve – The Aftermath
Adam and Eve, now mere mortals like you and I, were also shouldered with the punishment of knowing they would now no longer live for eternity. God says to Adam, that because of his error, human beings will live only to a maximum age of 120 years.
Adam and Eve married and kept their clothes on at all times because they were now ashamed of their nakedness, due to the awakening as a result of eating the forbidden fruit, which meant that outdoor sex in broad daylight was no longer kosher but lights-off coitus would be the sex du jour. Shortly after formalizing their union as man and wife, Eve gave birth to two sons named Cain and Abel.
Cain, Abel and Noah
On the surface this appears to be a story of an insecure son and a God who played favorites.
“ Abel kept flocks and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry and his face was downcast.” (Genesis 4:2-5 NIV)
It seems highly suspicious to a moron like me that God would play the favorites game with the very first family he ever created, and for reasons given that hardly warrant so. That reason being that Abel offered a more worthy sacrifice, animals, in worship of the Lord. But Cain grew vegetables, thus it would hardly make any sense to offer your first carrot as a sacrifice to the Lord, would it?
This passage provides us with our first insight into God’s insecurity complex, in that he plays favorites to those that worship or praise him better. And more importantly doesn’t it seem somewhat ‘human’ to show partiality towards one over another?
Over time, Cain gets the shits, his jealousy consumes him and in a remote field he murders his brother, Abel. But since God is subjected to the human emotion of jealousy too, he opts not to punish Cain, and leaves the judicial process to his parents who decide to banish Cain to an undisclosed location.
What of Adam and Eve? God helped Eve, at 130 years of age, to become pregnant with another son to replace Abel, his name Seth. Adam died in his prime at a whopping 930 years of age. The death of Eve is not mentioned, but needless to say both lived more than 800 years past what God had said was man’s expiry date. Which poses the question, when do we obey God with certainty or when do we second-guess his bluffs? He is
What a wonderfully chauvinistic command, “He will rule over you”. I have repeatedly tried unsuccessfully to point to this passage whenever my wife has forbidden me to join my mates on a night trolling strip clubs. I still haven’t given up. Even now.
Ok, that’s Adam and Eve punished. Of note is the fact that God promised Adam that he would “surely die” upon eating the apple, but God has proved already that he is not a man of his word, as Adam went on to live for another 900 years.
And what of the snake, you ask, the instigator of fucking things up for all of us? Well, here is the punitive measure God dishes out to the snake. Are you ready for this?
“ You shall crawl along your belly for the rest of your life.” (Genesis 3:14 NIV)
Are you serious? Well, call me stupid, but that hardly seems much of a punishment for a snake, that had no legs in the first place! And I’m sure the snake made a big sounding sigh of relief before slithering off to wherever it came from. Which poses an interesting question doesn’t it? The snake came from God and God put him there in the first place, whether intentionally as a ploy to tempt Eve or not. So, why punish the snake if God created him and used him for that purpose? Oh well, it seems Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the Serpent and the Serpent didn’t have a leg to stand on!
Adam & Eve – The Aftermath
Adam and Eve, now mere mortals like you and I, were also shouldered with the punishment of knowing they would now no longer live for eternity. God says to Adam, that because of his error, human beings will live only to a maximum age of 120 years.
Adam and Eve married and kept their clothes on at all times because they were now ashamed of their nakedness, due to the awakening as a result of eating the forbidden fruit, which meant that outdoor sex in broad daylight was no longer kosher but lights-off coitus would be the sex du jour. Shortly after formalizing their union as man and wife, Eve gave birth to two sons named Cain and Abel.
Cain, Abel and Noah
On the surface this appears to be a story of an insecure son and a God who played favorites.
“ Abel kept flocks and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry and his face was downcast.” (Genesis 4:2-5 NIV)
It seems highly suspicious to a moron like me that God would play the favorites game with the very first family he ever created, and for reasons given that hardly warrant so. That reason being that Abel offered a more worthy sacrifice, animals, in worship of the Lord. But Cain grew vegetables, thus it would hardly make any sense to offer your first carrot as a sacrifice to the Lord, would it?
This passage provides us with our first insight into God’s insecurity complex, in that he plays favorites to those that worship or praise him better. And more importantly doesn’t it seem somewhat ‘human’ to show partiality towards one over another?
Over time, Cain gets the shits, his jealousy consumes him and in a remote field he murders his brother, Abel. But since God is subjected to the human emotion of jealousy too, he opts not to punish Cain, and leaves the judicial process to his parents who decide to banish Cain to an undisclosed location.
What of Adam and Eve? God helped Eve, at 130 years of age, to become pregnant with another son to replace Abel, his name Seth. Adam died in his prime at a whopping 930 years of age. The death of Eve is not mentioned, but needless to say both lived more than 800 years past what God had said was man’s expiry date. Which poses the question, when do we obey God with certainty or when do we second-guess his bluffs? He is
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