praying that he hadnât heard what he just thought he had. Spadeâs six foot two frame slumped over as tears welled in his eyes. He didnât consider himself to be sensitive by any means, but this broke him down like a fraction.
âI understand how you feel.â The doctor sounded sympathetic.
âNo, unless youâve been diagnosed with cancer yourself, you donât understand how I feel,â he snarled. Spade felt as if the air was being sucked from the room and right out of his lungs.
Oblivious to the suffocating effects, the surgeon let the other shoe drop. âWeâll make an oncology appointment for you as soon as possible.â
Spade didnât want to hear anymore. He slumped down in the chair and sobbed in his hands. All he could think about was dying young. He felt as if life had thrown him a major curve ball. This felt so unfair to him. He had so many hopes and dreams. Now this!
He looked up at the surgeon. âWhy me?â Spade demanded. âWhy now? This should be the happiest time of my life. Iâm twenty-five years old, engaged to be married to an incredible woman, and, on top of everything, I just signed a recording contract with a major label.â
Seizing the brief moment of silence during Spadeâs lament, the doctor said, âWeâll call you with your oncology appointment.â
âHow serious is it?â Spade sniffled, wiped his now red eyes, and braced himself for the worst. âHow long do I have to live?â
The doctor cleared his throat. âThat depends on what stage youâre in. Iâve known of people in the final stage to live as long as five years.â
Spade couldnât take any more bad news. His hands began to tremble as he stared at the white wall behind the surgeonâs head. âI just want to be alone for a few minutes.â
The doctor nodded. âTake as much time as you need.â He then left Spade to ponder his fate.
Spade stopped crying and started praying. âFather, I donât know what this is about. I want to trust you. Iâm going to trust you.â He sounded resolute. âI know that you will help me, but please help me until you help me.â
He didnât know anything about the disease he had been diagnosed with. One thing he did know was that most cancers required some sort of treatment, most likely chemotherapy. He wasnât big on chemo because he and Bria often talked about having two or three kids. He knew that Bria wanted to be a mother someday, and he believed sheâd make a great one. With this disease hanging over his head, how was that going to work? He could freeze his sperm in hopes that heâd beat the disease and still be able to become a dad. But the thing with cancer was that it was a beast within itself. It may or may not respond to treatment. Even if it responded to treatment, it was vengeful enough to sometimes come back. How could he live like that?
He was in a daze until his cell phone rang. It was his fiancée. He cleared his throat before answering.
âBaby, I want to see you,â Bria said.
He wasnât in the right state of mind to see anyone, but Bria insisted. He had a hard time telling her no, especially when she sounded so sweet and upbeat. Against his better judgment he agreed to go over her house.
He sat in the doctorâs office for five more minutes before composing himself enough to walk out. Whether real or imagined, he felt as though everyone in the doctorâs office knew about his prognosis. He didnât want their sympathy. Not wanting to speak to anyone, he kept his eyes stayed on the ground and hurried to his car where he banged on the dashboard and hit the steering wheel.
He rode in silence to Briaâs house. That was highly unusual for him. He would normally have music playing from the time he got in the car until he arrived at his destination. Heâd even critique his own music during his drive
Tamara Rose Blodgett, Marata Eros