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time.
    When Spade arrived at Bria’s house he contemplated driving off. He just didn’t have the nerve to face her. He sat in front of her house for nearly ten minutes trying to muster the courage to get out of his car.
    â€œMan, stop,” he told himself. “You’re a man. You can handle anything that comes your way.”
    He took a deep breath and got out. As he walked up the driveway he swatted a bee buzzing around him. The pollen count was extremely high today. He felt some of that pollen tickle his nostrils and sneezed.
    He stood outside Bria’s door, and for a brief moment, he felt awkward. Like he didn’t know what he was going to say. He rang the doorbell twice to let her know he was there. When she didn’t answer quickly enough for him, he used the spare key she had given him for emergency purposes—which he never used—and walked in.
    â€œI was just about to let you in,” Bria said as she made her way into the foyer. She seemed happy to see him and kissed him on the lips. “My mom finally found her outfit! You wanna see it?”
    He didn’t answer. It took everything in him not to break down. Functioning on autopilot, he went into the family room and she followed.
    â€œAre you all right?” she probed. “You’re acting strange.”
    Spade felt uneasy as he sat down beside her on the light colored couch. He felt jittery, and the faint smile he did have disappeared almost instantly when he thought about the disease living in his body. For a moment he stared at a cobweb breezily dancing in the corner.
    He couldn’t do it. Them. The wedding. How could he marry her knowing he had been given a death sentence?
    â€œI have something to tell you, and it’s not easy for me,” he said, holding her hand.
    A nervous expression appeared on Bria’s face. “You’re scaring me.”
    He exhaled loudly. “I’m sorry.” He felt like crying again. No— screaming. His emotions were a chaotic jumble of nerves and agony.
    She sat quietly, studying his face.
    â€œI can’t marry you,” he continued. Those were the most difficult words he had ever had to say. Cutting off his leg with a dull blade would probably have hurt less than this, he figured.
    â€œWhat do you mean you can’t marry me?” She snatched her hand away. Her eyes welled with tears. “We’ve been hanging out together just like we always do. We went on a hot air balloon ride together just this past weekend. How can you wake up today and decide, oh, I don’t want to get married anymore? Was all of this a lie?” Her voice seemed to get louder with each word.
    Unable to bear seeing the woman he loved so upset, Spade reached for her hand again. This time she didn’t pull away. “Please,” he pleaded.
    â€œPlease?” she repeated incredulously.
    â€œCalm down.” He thought it was ironic that he was telling her to calm down when deep down inside he was anything but calm.
    She clasped her hands together. “I’m calm, now what?”
    He lowered his head in frustration. Expressing himself through words was easy for him, but today, he couldn’t think of anything to say. His mind couldn’t formulate the thoughts to articulate what was going on with him. Bummer. Especially since he knew Bria deserved an explanation.
    She gripped his dimpled chin with her thumb and first finger, tilted his head toward her, and said, “Why are you doing this?”
    Unable to look her in the eyes, he turned his head away, forcing her hand to release its grip. “You deserve better.” He didn’t mean he wasn’t good enough for her. Shoot, he was the only man for her. What he meant was that she didn’t deserve to be with someone battling cancer. Further proof that his mind wasn’t functioning properly. Why hadn’t he just gone home? Stupid.
    â€œAre you seeing someone else?” Her voice