Read Everything is Changed for Free Online Page B

And then she must realise what she’s done because she jumps away, as shocked as I am.
    â€˜Sorry,’ she says, for the third time tonight.
    â€˜No, I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry,’ I say, and she pulls a face, like she’s embarrassed at my apology. I try and fix it. ‘Oh, I’m not sorry about you. You’re really nice. But I’ve … I’ve got a girlfriend.’ I think of Ellie and hope she wouldn’t mind the lie.
    She nods and looks down, her hair falling over her face like a shield. She looks broken and I know it’s because of what Jake and I did. She’s crumbling at parties and I’m walking away like it’s nothing to do with me. But it is. It’s all on me. And I don’t know what to do about it.
    She looks up at me again and I see the sadness in her eyes. I feel panicked. Legs twitchy, I take a step back. I can’t help her. I need to leave before I try.
    â€˜I’d better go. You right?’ My words sound cruel.
    â€˜Yeah. Thanks,’ she says sadly.
    And before I can stop myself, I reach out and grab her arm. ‘I’m really sorry.’
    A frown flickers across her face. ‘What for?’
    I shrug. I have to say it. ‘You having a bad time.’
    She laughs like it’s funny, but the sound is thin and unreal. ‘Not your fault. Thanks for walking me home.’
    And I watch as she stumbles down the last little bit of the road until she reaches her house. And I think of all she feels and all she’ll go on feeling forever. And even if I ran screaming into the police station to hand myself in, she wouldn’t feel any better. Nothing I can do will change what we did. I just have to make Jake understand that too.

jake
    Ellie is lying on her back with her eyes closed. She spins past me on the roundabout and I take off after her, holding the metal edge and running as hard as I can to keep up. I dodge the bag of rubbish someone’s left on the ground.
    â€˜Faster,’ she yells with a laugh in her voice.
    â€˜I can’t,’ I say, letting go before I take off with the roundabout.
    â€˜Then jump on!’
    Without thinking I fling myself onto the metal cage, and hit my shin hard on the bar. I manage not to swear as I rub the spot. She opens one eye and pats the metal next to her. I shuffle over, and lie down, my elbow bumping hers, making my heart race. Too close. She’s too close.
    â€˜Shut your eyes if you don’t want to feel dizzy,’ she says.
    Instead I keep them wide open, staring up into the dusty sky, terrified of what will happen if I shut them. My body is so rigid, so tense, so frightened to move in case more of me touches her. We turn and we turn and we turn, slowing on each rotation, just like a gigantic spinning top in Mr Cap’s science class. Looking up we could be anywhere. It’s just when I look across at the park that sags under the weight of nobody ever cleaning it or doing any maintenance that I know exactly where I am.
    I think about everything that’s happened. Too many things. I can’t keep them straight in my head. We keep spinning. Just. I don’t know what will happen when we come to a complete stop. Will she leave?
    The light is dimming. It’s that strange time of night when I never feel settled.
    â€˜So it’s just you and your mum?’
    â€˜Yeah.’
    â€˜Alex said your dad wasn’t around. Where is he?’
    I breathe. I sneak a peek. Her eyes are still closed. Her face calm.
    â€˜In jail,’ I say quietly, and wait for the reaction.
    â€˜Oh,’ she says finally but still doesn’t open her eyes, and I wonder what she’s thinking. ‘Alex never told me that.’
    I don’t know what to say now, how to skip to another subject that’s easier for us. One that doesn’t include Alex, but can be just ours. My head races through the possibilities. School. Home. But it’s all