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money he makes to live on. I don’t understand why you kids are trying to turn this into something bad. This is very exciting news. Sure, we’re all going to have to pitch in a little, but this is a miracle from God we’re talking about here. Dr. Halpern said I’m the first patient he’s ever had get pregnant after having her tubes tied. We should be celebrating. This baby obviously wants to be born into our family. There’s going to be another Hance in this world.” Mom grabs her empty shake glass and hoists it in the air. “Let’s have a toast. To the baby.”
    Dad is the first to pick up his glass. I raise mine because you can’t
not
toast to a baby. And Cathy is the last one to lift her untouched shake, hefting it like it weighs a thousand pounds.
    My sister and I glare at each other across the table. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look so angry before. And believe me, I’ve seen her
royally
pissed. I’m not sure if it’s directed at me or if it’s just an overall loathing of the world in general.
    But I do know one thing.
    Whatever it takes, even if I have to sell part of my liver, I will
not
be sharing a room with my sister.

I ’M PEDALING MY BIKE through the wet streets of our neighborhood, flanked by Coop and Matt. Usually we have the ride to school timed out perfectly — so that we step through the doors right at first bell — but I was running late this morning and so we’re having to make up some time.
    It’s a cold, miserable morning, and the roads are lined with mounds of old snow that don’t seem to want to melt. I don’t know if it’s the protective coating of car exhaust soot that’s thwarting the natural water cycle or what, but everything looks really dank and depressing.
    Or maybe it’s just the mood I’m in.
    There was a split second at dinner — right after the baby announcement and before the disturbing realization that our parents are still having sex — when I was actually thinking it might be cool to be an older brother. You know, reading bedtime stories, giving bike-riding lessons, having someone in the house who still believes in Santa Claus.
    But anything good that could have possibly come out of it has been smashed on the rocky shores of having to share a bedroom with my stupid sister.
    All I can think about now is how there will be less of everything once the baby’s born. Less privacy, less TV time, less crispy beef when we go out for Chinese.
    I can’t believe how much I dislike this dumb baby already, and it’s not even here yet.
    Which makes me feel like an enormous tool. Because how can you hate a baby? I don’t want to be that guy. The douche bag who’s all mean and nasty to his younger brother or sister.
    I’ve got to figure out a way to get enough money so that we can build an extension.
    And fast.
    You know what they say about desperate times. . . .
    “All right,” I say, glancing at Coop. “Tell me more about this movie idea of yours.”
    Coop’s sweatshirt-hooded head snaps toward me. “Ha! Knew it! They always come back begging.”
    “Sean, you can’t be serious,” Matt says, looking at me like I’ve totally lost it. Which maybe I have.
    “I don’t know,” I say. “I’m just gathering info.” I look at Coop again. “How easy do you think it’d be to sell a movie?”
    Coop laughs like I’ve just asked him if he thinks it might be fun to see two smokin’ babes hot-fudge wrestling in a giant bowl of ice cream. “Are you kidding? As long as it’s halfway deece, someone will snatch it up. I mean, have you seen some of the crap-o-latte they trot out? There’s no reason we shouldn’t be able to perpetrate the same kind of fraud and rake in the mega-chips.”
    “So, you don’t even want to make a
good
movie?” Matt snickers. “Well, at least that seems like a realistic goal.”
    “You’re obviously missing the point, Matthew,” Coop says. “The idea is to make something that will
sell.
Quality is secondary. And maybe not