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to throw away ten years of
marriage?”
    “ Little ?”
I can feel my body beginning to vibrate inside my own skin. “ Little mistake ?”
My heart pounds in my fucking chest and I’m holding back all the anger I want
to scream at her.
    “Oh come on,
you have to forgive me sooner or later,” she cajoles.
    “I’ve
already forgiven you. But I haven’t forgotten, and I never will. We’re over.”
    “You think serving
me with divorce papers is going to stop this? My lawyer will eat you alive,”
her tone turns angry. I can tell just by the huffing that she’s pacing, like she
always does when she’s fuming.
    “We’ll let
the lawyers fight this out. Goodbye, Chelsea,” I say as I hang up before her
next rant can start.
    My mind
instantly goes back to the twenty-three-year-old woman I met this morning.
    Her strength
shines so brightly to me. But her soul is deeply scarred by pain and terror.
    Allyn may be
broken, but I need saving too.

Chapter 6
    One thousand
and twenty-two days, and I still hurt.
    My soul
continues to bleed and my heart remains encased in ice, afraid to feel.
    But today
I’m going to open the door. Today I’m really going to try.
    Try to see
the world as a little more than beige.
    Try to let some
color back into my fractured life.
    Try to breathe
without letting the ever-present tsunami of hopelessness consume me or push me
further into the blackness.
    I am going
to try.
    Looking out
my kitchen window, the sky above is a brilliant blue. Brightness shines from
the partially-concealed sun, illuminating things beyond sight.
    Maybe one
day soon, those golden rays of light will touch me. Maybe the sunlight will thaw
the ice in my heart and fill my emptiness so I can be whole again.
    My doorbell
rings and I know Dr. Shriver has already arrived. It’s only 9:50 a.m.; he’s
early. I walk over to the door and look through the peep hole. I can’t see him.
    What if it’s
not him?
    What if it’s them, and they’re back to kill me?
    “Allyn, you
said you’d open the door,” Dr. Shriver says from the other side. He must already
be sitting down waiting for me.
    I enter my
code to turn the alarm off, unlock the deadbolt, and then position my hand on
the doorknob and the second lock.
    My heart
beats quickly and I feel a trickle of sweat roll down the back of my neck.
    I can do
it.
    I can open
the door.
    It’s only
a fucking door, Allyn. Just open it.
    I open the
door just a crack and peek outside.
    Dr. Shriver
is sitting on the porch, cross-legged, facing me.
    “Nice of you
to join me today, Allyn. Would you care to take a seat?” he says and chuckles
as he holds his hand out indicating the floor on my side of the screen door
    “Thank you
for coming to see me again, Dr. Shriver.” I sit on the floor, mirroring his
pose.
    “You’re
going to either make me feel old, or like I have a stick stuck up my pompous ass.
Can you please call me Dominic?”
    I let out a
small laugh and nod my head at him.
    “Tell me
about your night. What did you have for dinner?” he asks.
    For dinner?
He wants to know what I ate? That’s a bit…weird.
    “Um, I had
spaghetti.”
    “Did you
make it?”
    “Yeah, I made
it. I cook a little.  I’m not great at it, but I can feed myself. I like freshly-made
pasta instead of store-bought, so I try and make a batch that will last me a
while. I’m not a huge eater.” I look past Dominic to stare out at the street.
    “What’s your
favorite season? I love spring myself, the promise of new and exciting things
happening. Rejuvenation of what lay motionless and dormant through winter.”
    “The only
thing I don’t like is bees. I’m allergic to their sting. Actually, I carry an
epi-pen with me because I’m highly allergic to them. I guess my chances of
becoming a beekeeper went out the window the first time I was rushed to the
hospital because my airway closed off.” He laughs at his own joke and I find
myself smiling along with him.
    “I like
fall,” I answer. I lower