Read Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology for Free Online Page B

ETS C ONSTRUCTION D ISCOUNTS WITH B ESTIALITY
    So as our story begins everything is going pretty good
    the giants are leaving everyone alone for a minute
    and everything is pretty okay
    so obviously Odin has to go and fuck it all up by making a shitty deal with a giant.
    He is like “Hey, giant
    bet you can’t build a wall around my entire city in nine months.”
    And the giant is like “What do I get if I win?”
    And Odin is like “Well, I’m kinda cash poor at the moment.
    How about Freyja?”
    (Freyja is the goddess of love and other icky stuff
    gifted to the Aesir by a group of identical gods they tried to kill one time.
    What Odin is doing is called regifting and it is in poor taste.)
    But Freya is way hot, so the giant is like “Sweet, okay.”
    And Odin is like “Oh, and if you can’t finish the wall in time, then I get it for free.”
    And the giant is like “Sure dude, whatever.”
    Now Odin is pretty confident that there is no way the giant can build a wall in time.
    I mean, Asgard is pretty much HUGE.
    They had to build a six-mile-long feast hall just to accommodate Thor’s LEFT NUT.
    So he just sits back and prepares to have a partially finished wall
    TOTALLY FOR FREE.
    You don’t become a god by being bad with money that is a fact.
    But this plan is about to backfire SO HARD.
    The giant and his unreasonably strong horse
    are putting up this wall like it’s going out of style.
    There are still several months to go
    and the wall is almost totally finished.
    So Odin is like “Oh shit, I might have to pay this giant for all the work that he’s doing.
    UNACCEPTABLE.”
    So he calls up Loki like “LOKI SOLVE MY PROBLEMS WITH GIANTS.”
    And Loki is like “What? Why?”
    And Odin is like “REMEMBER HOW WE HAVE AN OATH OF KINSHIP
    THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT I SAY?”
    And Loki is like “Oh yeah.
    Why did we do that again?”
    And Odin is like “NO TIME FOR QUESTIONS. STALL THAT GIANT.”
    So Loki is like “Sheeeeyiiiit.
    I’m a pussy. I can’t stop a giant.
    But WAIT!
    I can stop his horse!
    WITH MY PUSSY!”
    so he turns into a superhot sexalicious girlhorse
    with her lady parts all distended and pungent
    and the manhorse gets a whiff of that shit
    and is like “I AM CALLING A TIME-OUT ON ALL THIS WORKING.
    A SEX TIME-OUT.”
    (Feel free to use these in your everyday life.
    I know you were all searching desperately for some way to justify dropping everything
    and just having a bunch of sex.
    NOW YOU HAVE THAT JUSTIFICATION.)
    So then the giant is like “How am I supposed to finish this wall without my powerhorse?
    I feel like I may have been cheated by Odin just now.
    I’m going to go yell at him.”
    So he goes to Odin’s room like “ODIN WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY HORSE?”
    and Odin is like “I dunno what you’re talking about. It was all Loki’s idea.”
    and the giant is like “FUCK THIS I’M TAKING FREYJA.”
    and Freyja is like “Who’s taking what now?”
    because apparently Odin completely forgot to tell her about this deal.
    So she’s like “THORRRR.”
    and Thor runs into the room like “What?
    Oh, you need me to kill a giant?
    Yeah, all right.”
    So he kills the giant
    thus once again saving Odin from the consequences of his shitty actions.
    So a couple months later
    Loki finally comes back to Asgard
    leading the megahorse he seduced and also another smaller horse
    but what this horse lacks in size
    it makes up for in TOO MANY LEGS.
    Yes sir, this is THE OCTOHORSE.
    (aka Sleipnir)
    So Odin is like “Oh shit, give me those.”
    and Loki is like “NUP. I’m totally giving the ultrahorse to Freyja.”
    and Odin is like “Can I at least have the octohorse?”
    and Loki is like “Only if I don’t have to do what you say anymore.”
    and Odin is like “FINE.”
    and Loki is like “HAHA, I PRANKED YOU
    THAT HORSE CAME OUT OF MY HORSE VAGINA.”
    And Odin is like “Ew, ick.
    I still want the horse though.”
    So the moral of the story
    is that only a sucker pays full