Read Stuff White People Like for Free Online

news outlet were to depend on one source for their funding, it would have to constantly produce stories that interest and reassure that group, thus making it almost worthless to people outside of that group. You are probably thinking, “Wait a second, doesn’t public radio get most of its money through donations by white people?” If so, you are right, and while this sort of explains NPR’s programming choices, political bias, and staff, it’s not a good idea to point it out to white people.

    But not everything is political. Public radio also features This American Life, hosted by Ira Glass. For white women without a television, he is considered the ideal man (ahead of Jon Stewart). The program features a collection of white people doing stories about minorities and the wrong kind of white people. It is very entertaining and is the safest and easiest way for white people to learn about these groups.
    There are many other shows, and literally anything you hear is an appropriate and excellent topic of conversation, provided you announce that you heard about it on NPR before approaching the subject. For example: “I heard this fascinating piece on NPR about chlamydia. It got me thinking, do any of you have an STD?” Normally this would be a very offensive question, but phrased in the context of NPR it is considered acceptable.
    Overall, the lesson here is that if you want your time with white people to go smoothly, there are few things you can do that are more effective than listening to public radio.

45 Asian Fusion Food
    In much the same way white people often believe that adding truffle oil to something will always make it better, there is a long-standing belief that adding “Asian” to anything is an improvement. The most popular things for white people to infuse with “Asian influence” are furniture, film, animation, interior design, personal style, children, and perhaps most important, food.
    It is true that many white people demand especially authentic Asian food and will often seek out the most authentic experiences. However, these restaurants generally do not feature staff who understand the question “Yes, but did you use these same pots to cook any meat? You see, I’m vegan, and I cannot eat any vegetables that were prepared in pots that have been used to cook meat.”
    An Asian fusion restaurant is a fantastic compromise where white people can use chopsticks and get definitive answers about the use of gluten in the food, all while being surrounded by modern black furniture and Asian-inspired art.

    With their beautiful wait staff, décor, and trendy music, these restaurants are the equivalent of a white guy with an Asian girlfriend and a Chinese or Japanese character tattoo that says “truth.”
    The bar at an Asian fusion restaurant will also feature a full list of drinks that are made with exotic Asian liquors like soju. White people cannot resist the opportunity to prove to their friends that they are not only wine experts, but true connoisseurs of sake. If you need to gain their trust, ask for a recommended drink—they will love it.
    Because of their high cost and small portions, these locations are best used for formal dinners. As such, if a white person invites you to one, it can be appropriately interpreted as a romantic gesture.

46 The Sunday New York Times
    Mornings are exceptionally important to white people, as witnessed by their love of brunch places. However, some white people never go out for breakfast on a Sunday morning. The reason? The Sunday edition of The New York Times.
    A perfect white Sunday generally works like this: Wake up at around 8:45; if the paper has been delivered, retrieve the paper and begin a pot of coffee. If the paper has not been delivered, a white person will go out and usually buy the supplies needed for breakfast—bagels, orange juice, lox, cream cheese, or waffle mix. Some white people even pick up freshly brewed coffee with the paper!
    Once coffee, food,