donât fancy him, Anna.â The words came out harsherthan she intended, but for the life of her, Katie wouldnât take them back. She was tired of being seen as only a silly girl. She was more than that. Why, if everyone only knew the things sheâd doneâ¦
They would be mighty surprised, for sure.
Eyes wide, Anna stepped back. âSorry. I didnât mean to press.â
Katie was sorry for her words, too. But she didnât feel like apologizing. Yet, she knew she must. âIâm the one who is sorry, Anna. Please forgive my sharp words.â
Green eyes blinked. âIs there anything that I can help you with?â
âNo.â
âIs it me? Does my being here bother you?â
Finally she could speak the truth about something. âNo, Anna. Your being here is wonderful gut . Truly. Now letâs do what weâre supposed to do, jah ? We have to finish preparing dinner, cleaning the kitchen, and ironing napkins, just like Maam said.â
Anna chuckled. âIâll finish up those napkins, Katie.â
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Later that day, after theyâd served dinner, the kitchen had been cleaned and the animals tended to, after her father had read from the Bible and they all said good night, Katie was alone with only little Roman for company, snug in his basket with his favorite blanket that he liked to chew.
Carefully she opened the chest of drawers and pulled out a box from her past. A fancy papered box left from her time with the English. Like a fugitive, sheâd smuggledit into the house, deathly afraid her mother would find it. Would ask why such a gaudy piece of work was in her possession.
Katie couldnât rightly say. All she did know was that she couldnât bear to part with the memories.
Not even the bad ones.
With a furtive glance toward the door, Katie carried the box to her bed and settled in. And then she lifted the lid. The heady fragrance of her secret life roared out of the enclosure like the spirit of Christmas past.
She blinked away the memories each scent envisioned.
Mint. A crushed rose. A tiny stuffed bear. Several fancy store-bought cards. With a sigh, Katie picked up the little brown bear and rubbed it against her cheek. If she closed her eyes, she could remember receiving it. Remember the joy sheâd felt. The longing for things that couldnât be.
Of things she shouldnât want.
As if burned, Katie hastily tucked it back into the box and closed it. But still the scent lingered. Remnants of another time. A time that unfortunately wasnât so long ago.
In her stark room, the memories seemed out of place. Foreign. As if they belonged to someone else. Someone reckless and wild. They belonged to the person sheâd been for fifteen months.
It had all started out simply enough. Sheâd gone with two other teens to the back of Jonathanâs land, where a duffel bag was hidden. Inside were jeans and sweaters and T-shirts. Donning them felt exciting and terribly scary.
Sheâd felt far more wicked when she took off her kapp and loosened her hair. Laura gave her an elastic to put it ina ponytail. Then she, Laura, and Lauraâs neighbor James walked to town.
Looking back, Katie knew theyâd looked nothing like regular Englischers . She had the wide-eyed expression of a deer in the glade.
But when theyâd gone into a coffee shop called the Brown Dog, Laura introduced Katie to Holly and her brother, Brandon. The moment Brandon had looked her way and suddenly smiled, Katie had been smitten.
Oh, heâd been so handsome. Heâd looked just like a man in one of Annaâs fashion magazines that sheâd shared with her back when she used to visit for quilting classes.
And Holly, well, sheâd liked Holly so much, too. Though Holly was a few years older, she liked many of the things that Katie did. And sheâd been so nice. So friendly. She introduced Katie, Laura, and James to a number of her friends. And
Colm Tóibín, Carmen Callil