their sides. I reach for one of the price tags: $3,175 for an Azzedine Alaia dress. Itâs worth more than my entire wardrobe. I let my fingers run over the mistlike fabric.
Then a pink gown with spaghetti straps catches my eye. Itâs incredibly soft and looks like something Paris Hilton might wear on a rare good day. Itâs not something I would ever wear, even if I had the body for it, because itâs just not meâI hate pinkâand yet I have the urge to put the dress on.
So I do. I know itâs weird, but I canât seem to stop myself.
Maddy is way taller and curvier than I am, so the dress hangs on my body like a drop cloth. But does that stop me from prancing around the room like a debutante? Sadly, no. I feel amazing in the dress, completely transformed. So this is what it feels like to be Madison Snow. Life suddenly appears a lot sweeter.
I step in front of Maddyâs full-length mirror and do a shimmy. Then I pull the dress taut against my body and pile my hair on top of my head. Maybe Maddy was right. Maybe I should think about cutting my hair. I could use a change, and short hair would be so much easier to manage. Plus, with no guys around, who is there to impress?
I canât stop staring at myself. Is this what heiresses do? Pose in front of mirrors all day long?
Suddenly I feel a twinge of panic. I feel strange and disoriented and I canât breathe. Itâs like Iâm being consumed by Maddy. This dress, which was once on her perfect body, is now on mine. Iâve crossed a line.
I try to distract myself with the framed photograph of Sebastian sitting on top of Maddyâs dresser. Itâs a black-and-white snapshot of him lying in bed, looking unbelievably sexy, like heâs just woken up. I put down the frame, then open the top drawer of Maddyâs dresser. Itâs a minipharmacy, with everything from Adderall to Zoloft. Is she depressed? Well, who isnât? I pick up the bottle of Zoloft, but before I can open it, thereâs a knock at the door.
Shit.
I try not to panic, remembering the door is unlocked. I put the bottle back into the bureau and slam the drawer shut.
âMaddy? Can I come in?â Itâs a guyâs voice. Sebastian? But Cornellâs so far away.
I try to undress as quickly as possible. But then the zipper gets stuck. I tug and tug on it until it really gets stuck. Damn. I sprint toward the closet just as the doorknob begins to turn.
5
F rom inside the closet, I hear the door open. I hope that whoever he is will go away once he realizes no one is here.
âHello? Hellooooo. Anybody home?â
He definitely sounds dumb enough to be Sebastian.
âMaddy, are you here? Maddy? Baby?â He starts to whistle, and then I hear him mutter, âOh, yeah. Uh-huh.â
I stick my head out of the closet.
Yup, itâs Sebastian, and heâs checking himself out in Maddyâs full-length mirror. As much as I hate to admit it, he does look pretty cute today. His hair is deliberately messy and heâs wearing jeans and a lime-green T-shirt. He sniffs his armpits and then looks up.
When he notices me, he takes a step back. âWhoa, you scared me. Didnât see you standing there.â
âDonât you knock?â
âI did knock. You didnât hear me?â He scratches the back of his neck.
âIâm trying to get dressed.â
âIâll close the door.â
âNo!â
But itâs too late. The door is closed, and now Sebastian is busy locking it. He turns to face me, then leans seductively against the wall.
Weâre alone and itâs suddenly very quiet.
âThere, thatâs better,â he says with a wink. âNow you can get dressed.â
âDo you mind?â
âNo, I donât mind. I donât mind at all.â He gives me a toothy grin.
Is he flirting with me, or am I hallucinating? I feel a bit light-headed. I glare at him. âWhat are
Colm Tóibín, Carmen Callil