for Hope.â
âYouâre going to rent this house?â I ask Agnes.
She nods.
âWhy?â
âBecause I want my own place, and this way we can all live together.â
âYay!â Maddy says, clapping her hands.
âBut â¦â I trail off. Live together? Is she serious? Would the college even allow me to live off-campus? Theyâre certainly not expecting a large donation from Nana. And even if they allowed it, I wouldnât be able to afford the rent.
Agnes says, âLetâs go drive by.â
âNow?â Maddy asks.
Agnes nods.
âOkay,â says Maddy.
Agnes raises her eyebrows at me. âComing?â
âNo,â I say. âI have a lot of reading to do.â
âOh, come on, itâll be fun,â Maddy coaxes.
âI have to read three psych chapters by tomorrow.â
âWell, in that case,â Agnes says, âenjoy the stench.â
âHey,â Maddy says, slapping Agnesâs arm.
âWe wonât be long anyway,â says Agnes, snatching her car keys off Maddyâs desk. âDonât forget to lock the door.â
âWhy?â I ask.
âSecurity,â Agnes says.
I ignore the warning. We live in an all-female dorm at an all-female college. What could happen?
Maddy kisses the top of Hopeâs head. Then she comes over to me and kisses the top of mine. âSure you donât want to be with us?â
I canât help but wonder about her choice of words: be with us . Are we not allowed to be apart?
âIâm going to stay here,â I say.
Agnes opens the door and âDown Boyâ by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs blasts into the room from across the hall.
âI like this song,â I say.
Agnes immediately closes the door. âSorry, but I canât hear. Come on, M.â
âYou know,â Maddy says, stroking my hair, âI think youâd look really cute with a pixie.â
âWhat?â
âLike Winona Ryder in Girl, Interrupted .â
I shake my head. âIâve never had short hair before.â
âIt would look so good on you. Here, Iâll show you a picture.â She grabs a hair magazine from a pile on the floor.
Agnes taps her foot. âCan we do this later?â
âJust a sec,â says Maddy.
âIâll be outside,â Agnes says, opening the door again and disappearing into the hallway.
Maddy holds up a picture of a waif with short, spiky hair. âIsnât that adorable?â
âOn her, yes. On me, it would look stupid.â
âAre you kidding? With your bone structure? Itâd look even better on you.â
Her compliment makes me uncomfortable, so I say, âShouldnât you get going?â
âYeah, I guess. We can talk about this later.â
Canât wait.
Finally Maddy leaves, closing the door behind her. Alone at last. Well, sort of. Hope is looking at me with her wet, dopey eyes.
I think of Nana and picture her sitting on her rat-colored La-Z-Boy, feet propped up, chain-smoking, eyes glued to the TV. Should I call her? We havenât spoken since the day I left California. I donât really feel like talking to her, but Iâm almost broke and the check she promised to send still hasnât arrived. Before I left, I asked Nana if she thought sheâd get lonely without me. She just shook her head and said, âI could always get a dog.â You told me you were allergic, I wanted to say but didnât. Nanaâs a bitch. I donât get it: arenât grandparents supposed to love their grandchildren? Isnât it one of the laws of nature or something?
I decide not to call her.
Not knowing what to do with myself, I open the door to the large walk-in closet Maddy and I share. I study her clothes: Marc Jacobs, Chloé, Louis Vuitton, Proenza Schouler, and a bunch of designers Iâve never heard of. Most of the pieces are unworn, with their tags still dangling at