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sitting
room to my hall way, ‘is it that soon?’
    Janey and Davey
both turned to me then.
    ‘Oh Jared!
You’re here!’
    ‘Of course I’m
here. It is my flat.’ I laughed then.
    ‘What is it?’
she said, and put her bag and coat on the chair nearby, ‘you seem
so…. Different.’
    ‘Yes,’ said
Davey looking at me, ‘You are different…’ his eyes were speaking to
me saying what do we do now?
    ‘Why don’t you
see what Marcia is doing.’ I said to him, and turned back into the
now dimly lit room. I switched a nearby lamp on, and took out
another cigarette. Janey followed me in. she seemed puzzled by me.
I wasn’t sure what to say. We hadn’t talked about these things for
so long. I sat back on the settee and lit the black slim cigar,
with the small red lighter. I pocketed it then and inhaled deeply.
There was that hint of dark earth and a soft hum of the drug. I
wanted to replace that thing with something else more suitable.
Better for one’s health. We all have our weaknesses. Smoking and
drinking were too of mine. The others were cars and women. I blew a
stream of smoke into the air. For once Janey didn’t complain.
    She came round
and sat by me as I put my feet up on the coffee table.
    ‘You have
something to tell me Jared.’ She pushed herself under my free arm.
She did this… being feminine and persuasive. She could work a
similar charm with our father… but only the times when he was
feeling susceptible to her rather sweet guile.
    I looked
sideways at her through my lashes, ‘What is it Angel?’
    ‘You’ve done
something… recently. I can sense it.’ She said.
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘What happened
to you tonight Jared? Did you miss me,’ her tone was petulant and
girly.
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘How much?’
    ‘This much,’ I
pulled her closer, and rubbed noses with her, ‘dear little Angel.
Don’t worry. Everything is going to be alright.’
    ‘I have only
three now.’ She said quietly, ‘I tried for a long time. But I still
need some protection.’
    ‘From what?’ I
said and watched the stream of smoke curl into the dimness of the
ceiling.
    ‘From you
Jared…. I know you don’t think so.’ She stared at me eyes luminous
in the dim light.
    ‘What is the
problem?’ I said tipping my head back to see the curling stream
going into the air above me.
    Janey half
stood up and leaned her weight on me; her hands pinning my
shoulders down, ‘the time back there. Remember. We were in harmony…
finding peace. When Davey was still weak, remember.’
    ‘Yes. I
remember.’ I said softly.
    ‘I Love him.’
She said simply.
    ‘Then perhaps
you better let go of me and go and tell him that.’ I said. I knew
what I said was curiously ambivalent. Janey and Me; well it had
always been complicated. We were in love with each other in a way
neither would admit. She was wonderful, inspiring, intelligent,
could dance when the social occasion called for it. She was also
like rage and fire, and completely out of control and
unpredictable. She was peaceful, or raging and angry; logical and
focused… or chaotic and emotional. And I could never find out which
beforehand. I wasn’t sure now. I supposed that it was her way of
expressing the inner argument. I turned inwards; hers blasted
outwards. The only other person who really understood was our other
sister Karis. Karis knew this peculiar thing from an angle that
even our parents could not see.
    Janey didn’t
seem inclined to stop leaning on me.
    ‘I’ll throw you
off missy!’ I said trying to budge sideways out of her grip.
    ‘I don’t think
so.’ She whispered in my ear.
    I blew a stream
of smoke in her face. But she just took it out of my hands and
stubbed it out.
    ‘Don’t be
mean.’ She said.
    ‘Janey please
get off, you’re hurting me.’
    ‘You’ve been
outside of the hedge haven’t you?’ (This was a way of describing
the removal of the locks and keys I described earlier).
    ‘Yes.’ I put my
free hand over her mouth, ‘Stop now