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reaction to your news will on some level depend on how accepting they are of you, of your being gay, and of your significant other. So how have other gay couples fared in this area? May we present to you three scenarios:
    1. When David and Phil decided to get married, David called his mother and said, “Mom, wish me mazel tov. I’m getting married.” His mother replied, “No,
you
wish
me
mazel tov. I’m the mother of the groom!”
    2. When Susan and Sharon decided to get married, Susan called her mother and said, “Ma, give me your blessing. I’m getting married!” Her mother replied, “You mean you and Sharon? That’s nice. But maybe we’d better not tell your father just yet.”
    3. When Michael and Allan decided to get married, Michael called his mother and said, “Mother, congratulate me, I’m getting married!” His mother replied, “Thank God, you finally found the right girl.”
    Parents are supposed to be happy when their child decides to get married because it means he or she has found someone to love and to share life with. But it doesn’t always happen like that; remember the Capulets and Montagues? (And their kids were straight!) If your parents have had problems accepting your gayness or your relationship, this announcement may momentarily make the situation all the worse. But it may also allow them to finally come to terms with the fact that this is not a phase you’re going through. And you should realize that this is the point at which they might have to do some “coming out” themselves, to their friends and business associates. So try to be patient.
    Way back in a 1992 issue of the Washington
Blade,
Seema Weinberg wrote about her reaction to her gay son’s impending wedding.
    I shared the up-and-coming occasion with only a few of my friends who know my son is gay. Working in a very homophobic office, I could not openly indulge in the normal luxury of imparting my news. Ironically, at the same time one of my coworkers was in the throes of preparations for her daughter’s wedding. Every day we were privy to blow-by-blow descriptions of the proceeding mingled with her effervescent enthusiasm. I went through terrible feelings of guilt, living with my “secret.”
    In the long run, having a wedding ceremony and getting married can help demystify your relationship in your parents’ minds and make you more like a “regular couple.” So give them some time and maybe they’ll end up thinking like Ms. Weinberg eventually did: “When I now meet new people and we exchange social credentials, I proudly answer the inevitable question, ‘Are your sons married?’ with no hesitation. ‘Yes, one is a straight marriage and one is a gay marriage.’”
    When your relationship with your folks is a 10 and they live nearby, the ideal situation is to tell them of your new status in person, together. If they live at a distance, a phone call to share thegood news is just fine. However, if you anticipate a lukewarm or negative reaction, you may be better off informing them privately, and alone. Or if you feel you can express yourself more clearly in writing, you might consider sending them a letter, which has the added benefit of giving parents time to process the news at their own pace.
    If you’re not out to your parents, you have two options. First, you can use this situation as the foundation for a whole new arena of honesty with them. For example, if you’ve been living with the same “roommate” for years, and you know that your parents know there’s something more there but they don’t really want to hear about it, this may be the time to face the music by telling them about your romantic involvement and your decision to “settle down.” Or, second, you can choose not to tell them anything at all about your wedding. When there’s not much of a relationship