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favorite photograph of the two of you. Present this to your partner when you propose, and we can practically guarantee you a dramatic response.
    Two interesting footnotes here—footnotes you should take with the proverbial grain of salt. The American Gemological Institute recommends that a man spend two to three months’ salary on anengagement ring. And according to
Bride’s
magazine, the average engagement ring today costs $4,000.
    In 1993, Crown Prince Naruhito of Japan formalized his engagement to former diplomat Masako Owada by sending gifts of fish, silk, and sake to the family of the future empress. You might choose to give another type of present to mark the occasion. How about turning your little black book over to your loved one, or framing a book of matches from the restaurant where you had your first date? You might exchange identical watches or give a family heirloom, a romantic piece of art (either bought or made), or an engagement puppy or kitten (for confirmed animal lovers only, please)—or, if appropriate, something phenomenally expensive, such as a Ferrari.
Shouting It from the Rooftops
    Some couples prefer to wait a bit before telling anyone that they are betrothed to one another; it gives them a chance to get used to the idea and to prepare the proper response to questions such as, “How’s your girlfriend?” (The proper response being, of course, “She’s no longer my girlfriend, she’s now my fiancée.”) Other couples fling their windows open and scream to the world, “Hallelujah! We’re engaged!” For some couples, who they tell about their decision and how they tell those people may be the most anxiety-ridden phase of this whole process. But it doesn’t have to be that way. This should be a time of tremendous celebration and joy. Let’s see how you can help that along.
    Historically, the first people to learn of an engagement are the couple’s parents. However, because many gays and lesbians make their friends into their true extended family, and those friends will probably be jazzed to hear your news, you may elect to tell members of your chosen family first. Odds are they’ll give you the kind of thrilled reaction you may not get from your biological family. This can build a wave of confidence and good feelings, and give you the support you need to make the announcement to your folks.
    You may discover that after telling just a few of your closest friends, you’ve created a buzz and word of mouth is now passing the good news for you. Or you might decide to have a dinner party, each of you inviting your closest friends, and between courses, instead of serving sorbet, tell them of your momentous decision. And let us not forget the power of the Web. Post on your blog or on message boards that you and your friends frequent and just see how fast the news spreads.
    In terms of public announcements, well, that’s really up to you. In 2002, GLAAD launched a formal campaign called “Announcing Equality” whose purpose was twofold: to encourage gay and lesbian couples to submit their wedding and engagement announcements, and to encourage newspapers to run them. By 2008, over a thousand papers nationally (nearly 72 percent of all daily newspapers in the United States) were accepting engagement, wedding, and/or commitment ceremony announcements for same-sex couples. Much progress has been made, but you still may meet with some resistance if your local rag has never run an announcement of a LGBT couple in the past. GLAAD has a list of reasons for you to use in your persuasion, such as “It’s a reality!” and “It’s local and timely!” among others. Go to their website if you need more help (glaad.org/resources/announcingequality).
All in the Family
    With a gay wedding, if, when, and how you tell your parents of the big step depends of course on how good your relationship is with them. And their