a roommate, but they didn't. We exchanged phone numbers, then I had to rush off to my first class.
Somehow, I don't feel quite as angry about the whole locked-out thing as I did last night. Maybe it was the prayer meeting or the fact that Liz came down to the lobby to find me or maybe I'm just getting worn down. I don't know.
It does strike me as slightly odd, however, that I, Caitlin O'Conner, am once again sitting all alone in my room on a Friday night. This isn't exactly the way I'd imagined my first few weeks of college going. I know Icould've (maybe should've) called Sarah and Ashley to see what they're up to tonight. Or maybe I should try being more friendly to the two Christian girls I met here in my own dorm. But somehow I just can't. Or won't. Why is that?
I mean, I know I'm feeling tired after not getting much sleep last night, but then I can remember being tired in high school but still having plenty of energy to hang with Beanie and Jenny and Anna. So what's wrong with me now? I still have the feeling that something in me is changing, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I keep asking God to show me which way to go, who to become friends with and everything, but nothing seems terribly clear to me. It's all kind of foggy.
I suppose the best thing in all of this is the way I'm leaning on God more and more–sometimes it almost feels as if He's all I have–like I'm slowly getting totally cut off from everything else. Is that how it's supposed to be? Or am I making a big mess of everything? I just don't know.
Still, I must admit that I'm relieved to have “my” room to myself tonight (so far anyway). And I do plan to have a little talk with Liz about having “guests” in our room and hopefully establish some rules we can both agree on. Also, I don't think I'll ever walk off without my key again! As far as switching roommates …I'm still not sure what to do. Part of me is fed up and more than ready to move on. But another part (and I'm afraid it's the part that's listening to God) feels like there may be a reason for this relationship. I guess only time will tell.
Tuesday, October 1
The last few days have passed somewhat uneventfully (for which I should be relieved). Liz and I talked about guest rules, and she was surprisingly agreeable. I told her how it makes me uncomfortable for her to have Jordan visiting late at night, and she assured me that it wouldn't be a regular thing.
“I don't want it to be a thing at all,” I said firmly.
She pressed her lips together. “Well, I suppose that's fair.”
I tried not to register surprise.
“Besides, if everything works out, you might have this room to yourself before long.”
“Really?” I tried not to sound too hopeful.
“Yeah, Jordan and I are talking about getting a place of our own.”
Now, I hated to seem like I was happy about the idea of the two of them sharing a room (because I know it's a bad idea), but at the same time, I was thrilled at the idea of getting rid of Liz. So I just dumbly nodded my head without saying anything.
“The only problem is with our folks. Since they're paying our tuition and everything …” Her voice trailed off. “But you could help me, Caitlin.”
Something about the way she said that sent up a red flag. “How?” I asked anyway, curious as to what she was cooking up.
“Well, I'm thinking you could pretend like I still livehere in the dorm with you. If my parents should call, which they rarely do, you could say I'm not here or that I'm in the bathroom, and then you could take down their messages and–”
“What you choose to do with Jordan isn't any of my business,” I began, praying that God would help me say this right, “that is, unless you're doing it in my room. But it would go against my personal convictions to lie for you.”
She scowled. “I knew you wouldn't help me.”
“I can't.”
“Jordan's roommate agreed to cover for him.”
“That's his choice.”
“Fine!” She stood up and
Somehow, I don't feel quite as angry about the whole locked-out thing as I did last night. Maybe it was the prayer meeting or the fact that Liz came down to the lobby to find me or maybe I'm just getting worn down. I don't know.
It does strike me as slightly odd, however, that I, Caitlin O'Conner, am once again sitting all alone in my room on a Friday night. This isn't exactly the way I'd imagined my first few weeks of college going. I know Icould've (maybe should've) called Sarah and Ashley to see what they're up to tonight. Or maybe I should try being more friendly to the two Christian girls I met here in my own dorm. But somehow I just can't. Or won't. Why is that?
I mean, I know I'm feeling tired after not getting much sleep last night, but then I can remember being tired in high school but still having plenty of energy to hang with Beanie and Jenny and Anna. So what's wrong with me now? I still have the feeling that something in me is changing, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I keep asking God to show me which way to go, who to become friends with and everything, but nothing seems terribly clear to me. It's all kind of foggy.
I suppose the best thing in all of this is the way I'm leaning on God more and more–sometimes it almost feels as if He's all I have–like I'm slowly getting totally cut off from everything else. Is that how it's supposed to be? Or am I making a big mess of everything? I just don't know.
Still, I must admit that I'm relieved to have “my” room to myself tonight (so far anyway). And I do plan to have a little talk with Liz about having “guests” in our room and hopefully establish some rules we can both agree on. Also, I don't think I'll ever walk off without my key again! As far as switching roommates …I'm still not sure what to do. Part of me is fed up and more than ready to move on. But another part (and I'm afraid it's the part that's listening to God) feels like there may be a reason for this relationship. I guess only time will tell.
Tuesday, October 1
The last few days have passed somewhat uneventfully (for which I should be relieved). Liz and I talked about guest rules, and she was surprisingly agreeable. I told her how it makes me uncomfortable for her to have Jordan visiting late at night, and she assured me that it wouldn't be a regular thing.
“I don't want it to be a thing at all,” I said firmly.
She pressed her lips together. “Well, I suppose that's fair.”
I tried not to register surprise.
“Besides, if everything works out, you might have this room to yourself before long.”
“Really?” I tried not to sound too hopeful.
“Yeah, Jordan and I are talking about getting a place of our own.”
Now, I hated to seem like I was happy about the idea of the two of them sharing a room (because I know it's a bad idea), but at the same time, I was thrilled at the idea of getting rid of Liz. So I just dumbly nodded my head without saying anything.
“The only problem is with our folks. Since they're paying our tuition and everything …” Her voice trailed off. “But you could help me, Caitlin.”
Something about the way she said that sent up a red flag. “How?” I asked anyway, curious as to what she was cooking up.
“Well, I'm thinking you could pretend like I still livehere in the dorm with you. If my parents should call, which they rarely do, you could say I'm not here or that I'm in the bathroom, and then you could take down their messages and–”
“What you choose to do with Jordan isn't any of my business,” I began, praying that God would help me say this right, “that is, unless you're doing it in my room. But it would go against my personal convictions to lie for you.”
She scowled. “I knew you wouldn't help me.”
“I can't.”
“Jordan's roommate agreed to cover for him.”
“That's his choice.”
“Fine!” She stood up and
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