Read On My Own for Free Online Page B

life.) Liz never made it back last night, and I must confess that it hardly concerned me at all. Mostly I was grateful to have the room to myself as I slowly and ploddingly dressed for church. Then I walked through the chilly morning fog, barely noticing the fall foliage that seemed to have changed color overnight. It's as if part of me was dead–or dying.
    When I got to church I couldn't force myself up into the front pews, so I sat in the back, hunkering down, my Bible in my lap, hoping to meld into the seat and disappear. Yes, I was definitely in bad shape.
    Just before the service started, Bryce slipped into the pew beside me. I glanced up at him and tried to smile, but I'm sure it must've looked pathetic. He appeared slightly surprised to see me there, and I knew he hadn't sat by me intentionally. I suppose that made me feel even worse. I didn't look his way again throughout the entire service.
    I'm not totally sure when I began to tune in to whatPastor Obertti was saying–was it midway through the sermon or closer to the end–but it was the words: “You must die to yourself daily” that really caught my attention. Suddenly I sat up straighter and even leaned forward, hoping that I might somehow absorb the meaning of what he was saying.
    “Jesus laid down His life for you,” he continued. “Not so you could live a perfectly wonderful life, but so you might, in turn, lay down your life for Him. Jesus said that whoever tries to gain his life will lose it, and whoever willingly gives up his life, for His sake, will gain it.”
    Let me tell you, those are not easy words to hear. Even when the service ended, I found myself sitting in the pew and mulling over the pastor's sermon. If felt as if a huge battle was waging inside my chest, and I didn't even notice that tears streamed down my face. I just stared into my lap, studying the blurry words on the front of my Bible, trying to pray but not really succeeding. You know how it feels when you have a great big lump in your throat? Well, I felt like I had a gigantic lump right in my spirit–as if something was blocking me and I didn't quite know what it was.
    Just then I felt a nudge on my shoulder and looked up to see Bryce looking down at me.
    “Are you okay?” he asked with concerned brown eyes.
    I swallowed hard and tried to speak, then just shook my head.
    “You wanna talk?”
    The truth is, I didn't want to talk to him or anyonejust then, but for some reason I nodded and stood.
    “How about a cup of coffee?” he suggested as he ushered me out of the church.
    “Sure,” I managed to croak. “Sounds good.”
    I attempted to regain a little composure as we walked to the coffee shop. Fortunately for me, Bryce carried the bulk of the conversation, informing me that Stephen had borrowed his car to go home for the week-end to celebrate his parents' silver wedding anniversary. Then we were seated in the coffee shop and I knew it was my turn to talk. How could I possibly explain what I was feeling to someone I barely knew, especially since I hardly understood the whole thing myself? I took a sip of cappuccino. “You must think I'm a real basket case.”
    Bryce shrugged. “Who isn't occasionally?”
    I studied him more closely. He looked pretty together to me with his neatly cut brown hair, navy sweater, and Gap khakis. By all appearances he was a confident sort of guy who knew exactly who he was and where he was going. Kind of like Josh.
    “I don't know what's wrong with me,” I said, although I knew that wasn't entirely true.
    He nodded and took another sip of coffee.
    “Well, I guess I sort of know. For one thing I'm home-sick.” I glanced up at him, wondering if he'd think I was a big baby, but he just nodded as if he understood. “And I feel sort of lost–like a tiny fish in a big sea.” He nodded again. “And on top of that I've managed to get the worst roommate imaginable.”
    Bryce smiled. “The first year is always hard.”
    “Was it hard for