The Book of Awesome

Read The Book of Awesome for Free Online Page A

Book: Read The Book of Awesome for Free Online
Authors: Neil Pasricha
of heart.
    2. Somebody’s nearby house. This is where you make the mid-trip pit stop at a local friend’s apartment or house. They don’t necessarily have to be hanging out with you at the time. Just buzzing their place and asking if you can use the facilities is acceptable. Once you get in you’ll be living large with thick toilet paper, fancy cream soap, and occasionally a stack of dog-eared magazines. Try not to judge the hair in the sink, bath towel on the floor, or bright, glowing toilet bowl ring staring up at you like the Eye of Sauron. Just enjoy and get out.
    1. Hotel lobby bathrooms. Now we finally reach the cream of the crop, the cherry on the sundae, the top of the roller coaster. Yes, the spacious, luxurious, over-the-top hotel lobby bathrooms really are magical when you’ve been walking around all day, sweating under the blazing sun, just searching for somewhere to lighten your load. Hotel bathrooms are great because they are so sinful. Really, nothing in there is necessary, but you become the Emperor of Toilets , commander over a vast plumbing kingdom, ruler of all faucets and mirrors for miles around. Hotel lobby bathrooms treat us streetwalkers like uppity business-class travelers. I mean, who likes to dry their hands with face cloths anyway? Who needs chairs in the bathroom? And who really wants one of those bathroom butlers sneakily wedged into a corner wearing a tux and holding out cologne and towels for you? Who needs this?
    Well us, that’s who! We thimble-bladdered folk need this once in a while. I’m sorry but we need it. A little pampering and comforting for our terrible genetic sins. So thank you, hotel lobby bathrooms for treating us with grace and dignity amongst a world of people who don’t like to hang out with us.
    AWESOME!

Taking your bra off after wearing it for hours
    It just feels like freedom.
    Or so I’ve heard.
    AWESOME!

The sound of scissors cutting construction paper

    When you hear scissors cutting through a sheet of construction paper, you just know fun is about to happen. The table is covered with glue sticks, glitter, pipe cleaners, and googly eyes , and everything is set for a day full of crafts with the camp counselor.
    In some ways, this is essentially the kid equivalent of spreading tools out across the basement workbench before building a shelf, or taping windows and opening paint cans before you coat the kitchen walls in a new shade.
    Yes, the sound of scissors cutting construction paper is the sound of important work about to happen. It’s the sound of creativity bubbling. It’s the sound of ideas blossoming. And it’s the sound of some decent fun on a rainy afternoon.
    AWESOME!

Waking up before your alarm clock and realizing you’ve got lots of sleep time left
    Dark windows, dead silence , dim moonlight dancing on the walls. The night is calm and quiet and peaceful.
    And then BOOM .
    Your eyes burst open and you bust out of bed in an adrenaline-gushing, brain-rushing state of emergency. Dizzy and blind, you urgently stumble over to the clock as thoughts zoom through your head—am I late for work, did I miss the buzzer, do I have time for a shower?
    You swipe the clock, zoom it up to your squinty eyeballs , and get a good look.
    “4:56 a.m.,” it screams in its trademark bright-red fluorescent silence.
    “4:56 a.m.”
    Your hazy half-asleep brain slowly clicks into gear. “Much early than morning,” you piece together slowly. “Time more sleep now.”
    And then a slow, thin smile curls on your lips as you turn to stare at your crumpled cocoon and dive back into Bedhead Paradise . Oh, you know that second dip into Dreamland will be a doozy for a few big reasons:
    • Ready to rock. The bed is pre-warmed, the mattress pre-dented, and the other side of the pillow is just waiting to hug your hot, salty head. Detangle the sheets and you’re good to go.
    • Dare to dream. If that rocking dream you’re having is still fresh in your head, you might be able to

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