the flat water. The cove was U-shaped, about a mile deep with a half-circle of small forested islands protecting the entrance.
Gigantic hemlock and spruce trees dotted the spit we were paddling along, the tips of their lowest branches in the water at the tide line. We beached the kayak, got out and stretched.
âYour mom loved this spot,â Dad said. âThe farthest from civilization sheâd ever been. Letâs walk around before we unload. Weâve got a little time.â
âThe trees,â I said. âTheyâre huge.â
âYour mom, she said the trees were like Sentinels.â
âSentinels?â I asked.
âA Sentinel is a guard. A protector. Something that ensures safety.â
âCool,â I said, thinking of my mom and the way she saw the world. âIt kind of feels like theyâre watching over the place.â
These trees, over a dozen of them, and twice as wide as my arm-span, towered above us, growing right out of the beach gravel and all on thisnarrow spit of land at the back of the cove. And there was almost nothing growing under them. Maybe Iâd write a song about this place. For Mom.
âIâm glad we made it here together. Not just for your mom, but for us.â
I nodded. Mom. Sometimes at home it felt like she was in the next room or out in the garden. And here, I almost believed sheâd appear under the trees. I could feel her. I wished she would âcause I knew she really loved me, really wanted me.
âWe were gonna tell you together. Really, your mom was, but since sheâs goneâ¦â
âWhat, Dad?â I said. âWhat is it?â I mean, he was springing back to life but was still quiet, and soft-spoken and there was no telling when heâd just shut back down again and itâd be like I didnât exist. If he had more to tell me about Mom I wanted to hear it. I had some of her song lyrics memorized, and Iâd started playing her guitar, and Iâd read her stories over and over, but I wanted every scrap of information to help keep her alive in my mind.
Dad looked at me, then put his eyes on the ground. âThis is the place where we first talked about building a family.â
I took a breath. âDid you even want to have a kid?â
Dad turned toward me. âIâm not the kind of guy that would just go out and adopt on my own. But with your mother there was nothing I wanted more than to be a parent with her, to have our own. To have you. I know I havenât been acting like much of a father, but thatâs gonna change. I promise.â
Then he gave me a big hug, the kind of hug my mom used to give me. And yeah, he was acting more like he used to before Mom died, but only since weâd been out here. The real test would be when we got home and I wanted rides into town to go to the movies, or to guitar lessons if he let me start them, or over to Billyâs house, or maybe to meet a girl if I was that lucky. And to teach me how to drive. Could my dad drag himself out of bed or off the couch for me instead of just driving into town once every two weeks to buy groceries, âcause Iâd go nuts if all I did was spend time at home outside of school with someone whoâd barely speak to me.
After we unloaded the boat and set up camp, Dad was taking me to our water source, this trickle of a stream spilling down a steep bank, when I saw something and said, âDad, whatâs that, back in the trees?â I pointed with one hand and walked toward it.
Dad fell into step beside me. âUsed to be a sauna way back whenââ
âA sauna? Itâs just a pile of junk.â I pointed to the pile of rotting, moss-covered boards and a few plastic five-gallon buckets that lay in a heap.
âThe Forest Service was supposed to haul the rest of that junk out of here, but then gas prices shot up and they cut way back on travel, just like the rest of us. Must be a pretty