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have," Cat blurted. She looked like she had
confessed to a crime or something. "My mother didn't
know I did, but I did," she added.
"How'd you like it?" I asked her.
"It was all right," she said. "Nobody bothered
me."
"Why should they? Just because someone don't
have enough money to have his or her own car don't
mean they're rapists and serial killers, you know:' "I was just scared," she said. She said it with
such honesty, I couldn't harden my heart against her
for it.
"Yeah, well, I've been scared on the bus too," I
admitted, "especially at night.
"But I often had to ride it then because I would
have stayed at Granny's too long and I didn't want her
to have to drive me home in the dark. Her eyes
weren't so good back then and they are even worse
now.
"I got so I ran to Granny every so often because
I couldn't stand coming home from school and finding Momma drinking, Rodney still in his pajamas, and the house looking like ten slobs lived in it. Granny knew why I showed up at her house in the afternoon from time to time, but she didn't harp on it. She had tried and tried with Momma and finally just threw up her hands and declared, 'My Aretha's just one of those people who have to decide to help themselves because
they won't let anyone else do it.
"'Your momma will wake up facedown in the
gutter one day and maybe then she'll decide to do
something about herself,' Granny told me.
"She told it to me so often, I began to wish for
it, wish I would come home and find Momma outside
facedown in the street. I suppose it don't say much for
you when all you can hope for is your momma hitting
rock bottom sooner than later, but that's how it was
and I'm not ashamed of praying for it.
"That's right," I said glaring at them before they
could gasp or ask some stupid question, "I did pray
for it. I went to sleep asking God to send my momma
close to hell as soon as He had the opportunity. "So yes, I did get so I hated her. At times it was
like a rat of hatred was gnawing at my heart. I
probably will always hate her," I declared firmly. No one said a word. It was as if we were all in freeze- frame, not a movement, not even the sound of
anyone breathing.
"Not having Daddy home even once in a while
was like taking a leash off a dog as far as Momma
was concerned. She didn't have to worry about him
coming back from work and not finding her in the
house. She didn't care what the house looked like
either, since he wasn't there to criticize and complain.
At first, it was like her way of getting even with him
for leaving her. I could almost hear her say, 'He
thought I was a no-good drunk slob before? Well, he
should see me now.'
"I stayed home from school even more because
after I saw to Rodney, it was often very late in the
morning and I'd have missed the first two classes by
the time I got there.
"Then Momma went and did the worst thing of
all: she got herself a night job at One-Eyed Bill's
waitressing and helping out in the kitchen.
"By then I was able to make dinner for Rodney
and me, and I cleaned the house and did most all the
chores. That's why I told you earlier that it got so my
little brother didn't know who was his mother and
who was his sister.
"Momma was supposed to always be home by one o'clock, but there were many nights when I know she didn't come home until three or four. She'd be so dead out of it in the morning, I could drop a frying pan next to her bed and she wouldn't as much as bat an eyelash. Lots of nights she was too drunk or tired to bother getting out of her clothes. She smelled so bad from beer and whiskey, the whole bedroom reeked like a One-Eyed Bill's. The stench would reach through the walls into my room. I'd have to open all
the windows in the place."
"Ugh," Misty said holding her stomach. Jade
swallowed hard and turned away for a moment,
pressing the back of her hand against her mouth. I
couldn't blame them.
"You get used to it:' I muttered. "You'd never
dream you would, but you do. There ain't much else
you can do, but