Read Shadewell Shenanigans for Free Online

vacant except for one, where a heated conversation was taking place.
    “All I’m saying,” Gordo reasoned, “is that we don’t have to travel separately. We could make for Rintintetly—that’s nearest—and then decide who goes for the opal. You know, strength in numbers and all that.”
    Gordo felt as though he were trying to persuade his audience that dogs could play the banjo. As expected, the journey to the fabled city of common sense was an effort for the Groan psyche, but now even Gape was looking at him with baffled amusement.
    “It’s only a suggestion,” finished the dwarf.
    “I’ve got a suggestion myself,” Gape started, grinning to expose a mouthful of gleaming white teeth.
    “Oh, yes?” Gordo asked hopefully. “And what’s that?”
    “I think you should climb to the highest tower in the kingdom and jump out of the window.”
    The dwarf glared at him.
    “I don’t reckon’ that’d ’elp much,” Groan roared, his brows knotted so tight that they appeared to be mating on his forehead.
    “No,” said Gape, “but it would improve my day, no end.”
    Gordo sighed. “Well, whether you two muscle heads choose to believe it or not, we’re going to need all the help we can get. I mean, the Finion Finger Mountains? Fastrush Pass? Those places are supposed to be damn near impossible to get to! And as for Kazbrack—”
    “We bin there,” Groan interrupted. “Dint see ’ny fire demons, though, did we?”
    “No, Groan, we didn’t,” admitted Gordo. “Maybe they’ve moved in since we were there.” He turned to Gape and explained: “We were almost drowned at the hands of some bloody lunatic hermit, who thought he could get us back to the mainland in a boat made of shoe soles.”
    Groan gave an enthusiastic nod. “Was a good laugh,” he muttered.
    “Anyway,” Gordo continued, ignoring him, “Kazbrack is out past Rintintetly, just off the coast. At least we can kill two birds with one stone.” He turned to Gape. “I’m warning you, though: Kazbrack’s no pushover.”
    Gape looked the dwarf up and down. “High wall, is there?”
    “Funny.”
    “Maybe we can give you a leg up, or even—wait a moment—I think I might have a catapult in my belt pouch!”
    “Why don’t you shut the hell up, Gape Teethgrit!” Gordo snapped. “If you’re so clever, how come we found you in Stoke Punnit tied to a tree with two twigs up your nose?”
    The barbarian shrugged. “I told you, I was ambushed.”
    Gordo nodded. “By a ten-year-old girl.”
    “There was more than one of them …”
    “Oh, I see. How many, then? Two? Three?”
    Gape shook his head. “More like ten, actually. They all had uniforms.”
    “Oh, the Ganiskin Girl Guides! Yeah, I’ve heard of them; deadly with a headband, they are.”
    “That’s it!” Gape leaped to his feet and snatched up his swords. “I don’t have to listen to any of this rubbish; I’m a world-renowned mercenary!”
    “No,” Gordo said, dangling his legs over the bench. “You’re a mediocre warrior who’s lucky enough to own two enchanted swords that never miss.”
    “Yeah,” Groan echoed, but his little companion quickly turned on him.
    “And you can’t talk, Groan Teethgrit. You’ve got the IQ of a bacon sandwich; I’ve seen plants that think faster than you.”
    “Oh, yeah?” the barbarian exclaimed. “What ones ?”
    Gordo sighed deeply and held up his hands for calm. “Listen,” he said. “The fact I’m trying to get through to you both is that we’ll be so much stronger if we all pull together.”
    Gape sheathed his swords. He still didn’t look convinced, but at least, Gordo reflected, he wasn’t leaving.
    “Only one of us can take them treasures,” Groan muttered. “The princess can’t marry four o’ us.”
    “Agreed.” Gordo nodded, wondering who the other two were. “But until we find each treasure, surely it’s best if we form a team. You know, a fighting unit.”
    There was a moment of contemplation. That