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is, Gape stood in silent agreement while Groan contemplated. Gordo fancied that he could actually hear the heavy gears of the barbarian’s mind turning.
    “All right wiv me,” he said eventually. “Long as I get firs’ watch when we camp.”
    “I’ll go second!” Gordo cut in quickly.
    “Fine,” said Gape, extending his chiseled jaw. “I can’t sleep after four anyway. Where are we going first?”
    Gordo swung himself off the seat and snatched up his battle-axe. “Rintintetly,” he confirmed with a grin. “As I said before, it’s the nearest. I’m going to the library to find some info on the place, then we can get going. You two better wait here. Okay?”
    There was a vague murmur of agreement as the dwarf gave a satisfied nod and waddled off toward the keep.
    Gape waited until the dwarf had disappeared inside the building before he turned to Groan, and with a slight wave of his hand, indicated the barbarian’s sword.
    “Good blade, brother,” he observed.
    “Yeah, ’tis,” Groan agreed.
    “What d’you think of mine?” Gape drew both weapons in one smooth motion and spun them in a symmetrical arc.
    “Rubbish,” said Groan.
    Gape swallowed, counted to ten under his breath, and then exhaled. “Is that a fact?”
    “Yeah, ’sright.”
    “Well, let me tell you something, Mr. I’ve Got A Big Broadsword That’s About As Sharp As My Intellect, neither of these two beauties ever miss.”
    “Ha! My armpit.”
    Gape grinned. “Think what you will, dense brother of mine. It’s like your midget says: they’re enchanted.”
    “’Sluck.”
    “It’s not luck, Groan. We went through all this as kids, remember? They’re enchanted. I found them in the base of a magic oak tree, and they were glowing with supernatural force. Uncle Nap said they were enchanted, the chief said they were enchanted, even Dad said they were enchanted—and he didn’t believe in sorcery! So you’re just going to have to accept it, aren’t you? I have a pair of magic swords, and you don’t.”
    “’Sluck.”
    “They’re enchanted, damn you!”
    Groan shook his head. “’Sluck.”
    “Okay, fine,” Gape muttered. “Have it your way.
    There was a moment of silence, in which Groan smiled inwardly and Gape felt that every muscle in his body was about to burst.
    “’S jus’ luck,” Groan muttered again, pushing the argument to the breaking point.
    “Fine,” Gape said. “But if it’s luck, dear brother, then how come neither of these beauties has missed a single target in twenty years?”
    “Prove it,” Groan sniffed, squinting in the sunlight that flooded the gardens. “I bet you couldn’ ’it that ol’ woman over there what’s hangin’ out ’er washin’.”
    There was no thinking involved, not even the slightest moment of doubt. Gape simply spun on his heels and launched both swords into the air.
    When Gordo Goldeaxe emerged from the Phlegm Keep library, he had a very bad feeling in his stomach. There were two reasons for this: the first had to do with the hideously frightening information he’d discovered while researching Rintintetly; the second, which was definitely more pressing, involved the vast crowd that had gathered in the square, seemingly around Groan Teethgrit and his insufferable brother. Gordo had known Groan for ten years, ample time to learn that people tended to veer away from the giant barbarian at all costs, and never, under any circumstances, gathered around him … unless something really bad (and thus extremely watchable) had happened.
    Gordo determinedly elbowed his way through the crowd, and almost fell over the elderly woman who lay on the cobbles with two very familiar-looking swords sticking out of her chest.
    “An absolute bloody animal!” one man was saying.
    “An outrage!” added another. “He just murdered her for no reason.”
    Gape Teethgrit was on his knees beside the old woman, sobbing his heart out. Behind him, several of the more gutsy members of the crowd