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Rodanthe the first time!! OMG what a mess was she! Kristina has been one of my best friends for crazy long. I later found out that her mom had just found a malignant melanoma (see CANCER section) on her upper thigh so that was kinda more why she was crying a lot. I kept telling her that if you get skinny enough you won’t even HAVE an upper thigh to get cancer on but that just seemed to make her cry more. Anyway, I think Kristina liked the movie!
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    Featured Sex Moves

    SIDE NOTE: “Knights in Rodanthe” is this chapter’s featured Science . . . for Her! sex move! We will be highlighting one move per chapter for you ladies to try to keep your love (or lust !) lives aflame! Knights in Rodanthe is where six or more men with swords bang you at Medieval Times after you change your name to Rodanthe.
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    FIG. 1.11
    What Your
    MAN’S DRINK SAYS ABOUT HIM
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    If he drinks:
    WHITE WINE
    He is:
    GAY
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    If he drinks:
    MARTINIS
    He is:
    GAY
    (Olives come in salads, and salads = VERY GAY.)
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    If he drinks:
    COSMOPOLITANS
    He is:
    GAY
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    If he drinks:
    RED WINE
    He is:
    GAY
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    If he drinks:
    SCOTCH & SODA
    He is:
    GAY
    (Men wear skirts in Scotland.)
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    If he drinks:
    MALE SEMEN
    He is:
    GAY
    (Semen contains sperm that will end up being human males at some point after fertilization and therefore they have little tiny dicks, so when your man is drinking male semen he’s actually sucking a million tiny dicks. This is almost as gay as salad.)
    Nothing’s smaller than cells! SUH-SUH-SUH-CELLLSSSSS WICKA WICKA BOWWWWWWW B-B-B-BOWWWW! That’s a dubstep song about cells I just made up for you chic chicks. FIG. 1.12 Cells are made up of things that are smaller than cells, but those things can’t function on their own, so technically a cell is still the smallest part of life. There are two main types of cells. Eukaryotes are cells that have nuclei (a nucleus is the center of a cell) with tiny organs within them. Eukaryotes include plants, animals, and fungi. Conversely, prokaryotes don’t have nuclei and are the lowest level of cells. These include bacteria and EX-BOYFRIENDS!!!! FIG. 1.13

    FIG. 1.12
    Differences between VIRUSES and BACTERIA and EX-BOYFRIENDS
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    Viruses and bacteria and ex-boyfriends can be easily mixed up. Viruses are simpler than bacteria and aren’t made of cells. They take over other cells to reproduce. Bacteria are fully prokaryotic cells. Ex-boyfriends are similar to viruses in that they take over other organisms and use their husks for their own means until the original host organism is moribund and dying. Ex-boyfriends also resemble bacteria in that they cause syphilis.
    FIG. 1.13
    Can you recognize these stars from their
    HIGH SCHOOL PHOTOS?
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    Stars had to go to high school, just like us! See if you can recognize these famous celebrities from their early days!

    ANSWERS
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    1.
    Angelina Jolie!
    Angie is barely recognizable as a tenth grader at Beverly Hills High School! Good thing this ugly duckling turned into a swan!
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    2.
    Daniel Day-Lewis!
    Even this young, you can recognize the future talent in his expressive features.
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    3.
    Cameron Diaz!
    Not pointing any fingers, but it looks like someone’s had a little work done since then . . .
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    4.
    Ted Kaczynski!
    It’s very disturbing to look at this early picture of a killer and truly see the evil radiating from within as early as high school.

Genes
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    Since it’s distracting to bring up a homophone of one of women’s favorite things without showing them, I will start off this section with a treat—a glossy page chock full of photos of beautiful jeans!

    Phew! I’m glad we got that out of the way! Jesus, I’ve got the jean sweats! I’m covered in the sour nectar of the sweats that I get when I look at great jeans. I smell like a 7-Eleven meatball sub filled with rotten Starburst.
    How to Quickly Clean Up After the JEAN SWEATS
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    Always carry a cloth or handkerchief on the off chance that you run