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about over there. They just whisper and giggle like
    a bunch of first-graders.

    [Image: A cartoon of a boy trying to listen to his whispering friend's sitting on the
    other table.] "Psst Psst Psst!
    Hee Hee Hee!"
    All I can say is, they better not be talking about ME.
    You remember how I said Rodrick is the only one who knows about that really
    embarrassing thing that happened to me over the summer? Well, Rowley knows
    the SECOND most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me, and I really don't
    need him digging it back up.
    Back in fifth grade, we had a project in Spanish where we had to do a skit in front
    of the class, and my partner was Rowley.
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    We had to do the whole skit in Spanish. Rowley asked me what I would do for a
    candy bar, and I said I'd stand on my head.
    But when I tried to do a headstand, I tipped over, and my rear end went right
    through the wall.
    [Image: A cartoon of a boy doing a headstand as the teacher and the children look
    at him.] "Estario Parado En Mi Ay-Ay-Ay!"
    Well, the school never bothered to fix the hole, so for the rest of my time in
    elementary school, my butt-print was on display in Mrs. Gonzales's room.
    And if Rowley's spreading that story around, believe me I'm gonna tell the whole

    world who ate the Cheese.
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    Wednesday
    Today I realized that if I wanted to know what Rowley and those girls are talking
    about at lunch, all I have to do is read his DIARY. I'll bet he's writing down all
    sorts of juicy gossip in that thing.
    The problem is, Rowley's diary is LOCKED. So even if I got ahold of it, I wouldn't
    have any way to open it. But then I thought of something. All I had to do was buy
    the same exact diary HE has, and then I'd have a key.
    So I went to the bookstore tonight and got the last one on the shelf. I just hope
    buying this thing was worth it, because I had to cash in half of my Mom Bucks to
    pay for it. And I don't think Dad was too thrilled with the idea of me buying a
    Sweet Secrets Diary, either.
    [Image: A cartoon of a boy with his father in a shop buying a diary.]
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    Thursday
    After Phys Ed today, I saw that Rowley accidentally left his diary on the bench. So
    when the coast was clear, I used my new key on his diary, and sure enough, it
    worked.
    [Image: A cartoon of a boy opening a diary with a key in the room.]

    I opened it up and started reading.
    [Image: A page of a Secret Diary.] "Dear Diary, Today I played with my
    Dinoblazer action figures again. It was Mecharex vs. Triceraclops and Mecharex
    bited Triceraclops in the tail
    Ow! Darn"
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    [Image: A page of a Secret Diary.] "And then Triceraclops turned around and said
    oh yeah well how do you like that and he shot Mecharex right in the heinie.
    Ow No Fair."
    I flipped through the rest of the book to see if my name was in there anywhere, but
    it was just page after page of this garbage.
    After seeing what's going on in Rowley's head, I'm kind of starting to wonder why
    I'm even friends with him in the first place.
    Saturday
    Things at home have been really good for about a week. Rodrick has the flu, so he
    doesn't have the energy to bother me. And Manny has been at Gramma's, so I've
    had the TV all to myself.
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    Yesterday, Mom and Dad made a surprise announcement. They said they were
    going away for the night, and that me and Rodrick were in charge of the house.

    [Image: A cartoon of a boy lying on the sofa as his parents and brother look at
    him.]
    That was some pretty big news, because Mom and Dad have NEVER left me and
    Rodrick on our own before.
    I think they've always been afraid that if they go away, Rodrick is gonna have a
    huge party and trash the house.
    But with Rodrick knocked out with the flu, they must've seen their big chance. So
    after Mom gave us a speech about "responsibility" and "trust" and all that, they
    took off.
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    The SECOND Mom and Dad walked out the door, Rodrick jumped up off of the
    couch and picked up the phone. Then he called every friend he knew and told them
    he was