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could possibly get.
    I go to work at the coffee shop, come home, hide out in my room. Rinse and repeat. Easy peezy. Life is good.
    I did let my resolve crumble regarding the Memenderat. I’m totally writing in it. At first, I tried to write a few very generic entries, to get a feel for what the thing could do. It took those generic entries and read all the depth of what I was feeling, all the nuance of what I was thinking and couldn’t figure out how to express and bam! It’s all there, on the page. After a few days of that, I decided I didn’t care who else the thing was attuned to. Daya knows more about me than I do, I assume Barnabe does as well. I figure it’s worth the risk of letting them even further into my head if it means I can get a deeper understanding of myself.
    He was right. The thing is a powerful tool.
    Noah’s even been talking to me more. Ugh. When I say it like that, it makes me feel like some silly little lap dog, just waiting around for him to show me some attention and wagging my tail like a maniac when he does. It’s not like that. Not completely. I vowed, when he was so mad at me, that I’d prove myself to be worth his time. I wasn’t going to seek out his attention. I was only going to be me and let him see me being me. I wasn’t going to force the issue or beg him to forgive me. This whole thing has to be on his terms.
    So, of course I get a little excited when it looks like he’s thawing towards me. I hate to admit it, but I almost feel like I took a risk, thinking that just letting him see my most basic nature would be enough to make him forgive me. Kind of presumptuous of me, you know? Like, I really put a lot of stock in what kind of a person I am. On the other hand, if he’s going to want to be around me, it’s gonna have to be because of who I am and not because of who I pretend to be. So maybe it’s good that I haven’t tried to go all out and win him back.
    Who knows?
    Clearly, not me.
    All I do know is that he’s been walking with me to work when our shifts overlap and waiting for me to be done so he can walk me home. He’s not done anything overt, like hold my hand or try to kiss me, but he has looked me in the eyes and smiled and laughed. The right kind of laugh. The kind of laugh that feels like home.
    I write about it at night, in my Memenderat, and I’ve come to realize just how much I have my heart set on a happily ever after with him. And — assuming he forgives me — if I’m ever going to have a chance of a happily ever after with him, I’m going to have to get Lucy out of the way. Daya will never let us alone as long as Lucy lives. We will always be her weapon. Always. We are gonna have to stop this war, win this war, in order to ever have the chance for a moment of peace.
    Every day that goes by without an order from Daya makes me more and more antsy. Why? Why hasn’t she discovered the next target? Why haven’t we been deployed? As nice as it is to pretend to be normal, the fact of the matter is that we’re not normal. We have a job to do and it makes me itchy not to be doing it.
    “Where’d ya go?” Noah’s voice interrupts my thoughts and he leans forward a little to catch my eyes as we walk home from work. It’s dark and it’s cold and it’s snowing again, tiny flakes that catch in the streetlights like glitter. Our booted feet leave prints on the sidewalk and my nose is cold. I should have made us a cup of something warm to drink on our way home.
    “Sorry.” I smile. “Lost in my thoughts.”
    “Ya. I noticed. Anything you feel like sharing with the class?”
    Only that I love you and I’m really looking forward to killing some more vampires, and eventually the vampire queen so I can spend a happily ever after with you.
    Nah. Totally not going to say that.
    I just shake my head and give him a sly little sideways glance. “Not particularly.”
    “You forget that I’m a badass warlock who could just reach into that pretty little head of