he?â
âYour mother is going to a golf tournament?â
âNot just going to it. She is playing in it! She has been looking forward to it for weeks.â
âAnd you donât want her to play in it?â I asked. âIs that it?â
I always think golf is like hurling, standing still. I can never understand why people want to play it. But then Iâm not a grown-up. Theyâre different.
âNo, thatâs not it,â said Hal. âNot exactly. The thing is, they have a date for it, my mother and Him.â
âA date? They live together, Hal. People who live together donât go on dates. â
âThatâs the problem,â Hal explained. âHe never takes her out, my mum says. And sheâs always moaning that he doesnât take her golf seriously, so this time heâs promised faithfully to go with her, and sheâs all excited about it. Sheâs even bought a special outfit and everything. But now, if he gets this important job with all that extra money ⦠he wonât go with her and sheâll be furious. Thereâll be a big row. She might even kick Him out. â
His eyes were shining at the thought of it.
You think this is a fairly feeble plan, right? I do too, but at the time it did seem to make some sort of weird sense. Hal can be quite convincing when heâs all worked up about something. And he really was worked up about this.
âSo, letâs imagine that Larry leaves this message on Alecâs phone,â I said. âThen what?â
âThen he will take the job, and the next morning early, we are going to follow Him, to see how it all works out,â Hal said.
âNot me,â said Larry quickly. âI have a plane to catch on Saturday morning. School trip to Paris.â
âNot to worry,â said Hal. âJust me and Olivia will be plenty. You go to Paris, Lar, we can handle the rest.â
I donât think Larry knew what hit him. Somehow, it seemed, he was going to make this crazy phone call, even though heâd never actually agreed to doing it. I suppose he could have put his foot down, but Hal had somehow bamboozled him, blinded him with the brilliance of it all or something, I donât know.
âMe?â I squeaked. â Follow him! Oh, Hal, I donât like this. This is a weirdness too far for me.â
âBut, Olivia, Iâm ⦠desperate,â Hal said.
âYouâre desperate, all right,â I muttered. I donât think he heard me. âWhy, Hal?â I said aloud. âWhy is it so important?â
âSheâs ⦠theyâre â¦â
âWhat, Hal?â
âBoarding school,â he said. âShe said if I donât start getting on with Him, Iâll have to go to boarding school. She says I make her life a misery, and she canât stand it any longer.â
Boarding school. Well, that mightnât be too bad. There might be making apple-pie beds and having midnight feasts and putting whoopee cushions on the teachersâ chairs and that sort of thing. It might be quite fun.
But I didnât say any of that to Hal. I just asked, âWell, do you, you know ⦠make her life a misery? Apart from leaving the taps running and so on.â
âNo.â
âSo, whatâs her problem then? Why is she going to send you to boarding school?â
âWell, I suppose itâs because I donât talk to Him.â
âOh, Hal!â
âI wish you wouldnât always say âOh, Hal!â Olivia.â
âSorry, but you mean, you donât talk to him at all? As in, not a word? As in, âWill you ask him to pass me the sugar?ââ
âYeah, pretty much.â
âAnd you havenât spoken to him for two years?â
âNo!â said Hal. âI mean, I used to talk to Him. I used to say, âoh, helloâ and âwell, good-bye,â and that kind of thing. But since he