way,â he says. âItâs time we all face this head-on.â
âI just donât see why we have to talk about it at dinner,â Mrs. Hargrove says. âWhen weâre having a perfectly nice timeââ
âMay I be excused?â I ask too sharply. Everyone at the table turns to me in surprise. Click. I can only imagine what that picture will look like: my motherâs mouth frozen in a perfect O, Mrs. Hargrove frowning; my father lifting a bloody piece of lamb to his lips.
âWhat do you mean, excused ?â my mother says.
âSee?â Mrs. Hargrove sighs and shakes her head at Fred. âYouâve made Hana unhappy.â
âNo, no. Itâs not that. Itâs just . . . You were right. Iâm not feeling well,â I say. I ball my napkin on the table and then, seeing my motherâs look, fold it and drape it next to my plate. âI have a headache.â
âI hope youâre not coming down with something,â Mrs. Hargrove says. âYou canât be sick for the inauguration.â
âShe wonât be sick,â my mother says quickly.
âI wonât be sick,â I parrot. I donât know exactly whatâs wrong with me, but little points of pain are exploding in my head. âI just need to lie down, I think.â
âIâll call Tony.â My mom pushes away from the table.
âNo, please.â More than anything, I want to be left alone. In the past month, since my mother and Mrs. Hargrove determined that the wedding needed to be fast-tracked, to correspond with Fredâs ascension to mayor, it seems the only time I can be alone is when I go to the bathroom. âI donât mind walking.â
âWalking!â This provokes a miniature eruption. All of a sudden, everyone is speaking at once. My father is saying, Out of the question , and my mother says, Imagine how that would look .Fred leans toward meâ It isnât safe right now, Hana âand Mrs. Hargrove says, You must have a fever .
In the end, my parents decide that Tony will drive me home and return for them later. This is a decent compromise. At least it means Iâll have the house to myself for a bit. I stand up and bring my plate to the kitchen, despite Mrs. Hargroveâs insistence that the housekeeper be allowed to do it. I scrape food into the trash, and flash back to the smell of the Dumpsters yesterday, the way that Jenny materialized from between them.
âI hope the conversation didnât upset you.â
I turn around. Fred has followed me into the kitchen. He leaves a respectful distance between us.
âIt didnât,â I say. Iâm too tired to reassure him further. I just want to go home.
âYou donât have a fever, do you?â Fred looks at me steadily. âYou look pale.â
âIâm just tired,â I say.
âGood.â Fred puts his hands in his pockets, dark, creased in front, like my fatherâs. âI was worried Iâd gotten a defective one.â
I shake my head, sure that Iâve misheard him. âWhat?â
âIâm kidding.â Fred smiles. He has a dimple in his left cheek, and very nice teeth; I appreciate that about him. âIâll see you soon.â He leans forward and kisses my cheek. I draw back involuntarily. Iâm still not used to being touched by him. âGo get your beauty sleep.â
âI will,â I say, but heâs already pushing out of the kitchen and returning to the dining room, where soon, dessert and coffee will be served. In three weeks, he will be my husband, and this will be my kitchen, and the housekeeper will be mine too. Mrs. Hargrove will have to listen to me , and I will choose what we eat every day, and there will be nothing left to want.
Unless Fred is right. Unless I am a defective one.
UNCORRECTED E-PROOFâNOT FOR SALE
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