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Lena
T he argument continues: where to go, whether to split up.
Some members of the group want to loop south again, and then east to Waterbury, where there are rumors of a successful resistance movement and a large camp of Invalids flourishing in safety. Some want to head all the way out to Cape Cod, which is practically unpopulated and will therefore be a safer place to camp out. A few of usâGordo, in particularâwant to continue north and try to make a break across the U.S. border and into Canada.
In school we were always taught that other countriesâplaces without the cureâhad been ravaged by the disease and turned into wastelands. But this, like most other things we were taught, was no doubt a lie. Gordo has heard stories from trappers and drifters about Canada, and he makes it sound like Eden in The Book of Shhh .
âI say Cape Cod,â Pike says. He has white-blond hair, ruthlessly trimmed down to the scalp. âIf the bombing begins againââ
âIf the bombing begins again, we wonât be safe anywhere,â Tack interrupts him. Pike and Tack are constantly butting heads.
âWeâre safer the farther we are from a city,â Pike argues. If the resistance turns into a full-on rebellion, we can expect swift and immediate reprisals from the government. âWeâll have more time.â
âTo what? Swim across the ocean?â Tack shakes his head. He is squatting next to Raven, who is repairing one of our traps. Itâs amazing how happy she looks here, sitting in the dirt, after a long day of hiking and trappingâhappier than she did when we lived together in Brooklyn, posing as cureds, in our nice apartment with shiny edges and polished hard surfaces. There, she was like one of the women we studied in history class, who laced themselves up in corsets until they could barely breathe or speak: white-faced, stifled. âLook, we canât outrun this. We might as well join forces, build our numbers as best we can.â
Tack catches my eye across the campfire. I smile at him. I donât know how much Tack and Raven have deciphered about what has happened between Alex and me, and what our history isâtheyâve said nothing to me about itâbut they have been nicer to me than usual.
âIâm with Tack,â Hunter says. He tosses a bullet into the air, catches it on the back of his hand, then flips it into his palm.
âWe could split up,â Raven suggests for the hundredth time. Itâs obvious she doesnât like Pike, or Dani, either. In this new group, the lines of dominance havenât been so clearly drawn, and what Tack and Raven say doesnât automatically pass for gospel.
âWeâre not splitting up,â Tack says firmly. But immediately he takes the trap from her and says, âLet me help you.â
This is how Tack and Raven work: Itâs their private language of push and return, argument and concession. With the cure, relationships are all the same, and rules and expectations are defined. Without the cure, relationships must be reinvented every day, languages constantly decoded and deciphered.
Freedom is exhausting.
âWhat do you think, Lena?â Raven asks, and Pike, Dani, and the others swivel around to look at me. Now that Iâve proven myself to the resistance, my opinion carries weight. From the shadows, I can sense Alex looking at me too.
âCape Cod,â I say, feeding more kindling into the fire. âThe farther we are from the cities, the better, and any advantage is better than none. Itâs not like weâll be alone. There will be other homesteaders there, other groups to join with.â My voice rings out loudly in the clearing. I wonder if Alex has noticed this change: I have gotten louder and more confident.
Thereâs a moment of quiet. Raven looks at me thoughtfully.