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“Ethnic.”
    Primary translation: “Those quaint and somewhat primitive people over there.”
    Secondary translation: “Unnatural, abnormal, or, disgusting, as in your term ‘ethnic food.’” 7
    You must understand that on our planet, everyone has an ethnicity. With cultural mixing, some of us have more than one. To us, “ethnic” means “the cultures of everyone.” Clearly we are missing something crucial, and “ethnic” is not the word you actually mean. We beg you to provide us with clarity.
    You say: “God, you people are so exotic.”
    Primary translation: “I, by the power vested in me as a representative of a dominant culture that needs never question its certainty that it is the centre of the universe, hereby dub you ‘the entertainment.’”
    Secondary translation: “God, you people are so ethnic.” One of our translators offered a tertiary translation: “Just take this money already and pose with my kid so I can take a picture.” But, between you and me, he’s somewhat, um, argumentative at the best of times.
    You say: “But I’m not the one who enslaved your people. That was my ancestors.”
    Primary translation: “I benefit from the inequities that were institutionalised before my birth, and I have no interest in doing anything to disrupt that comfortable state of affairs.”
    Secondary translation: “I feel really guilty about this stuff, but it’s bigger than me. I’m powerless”.
    Tertiary translation (from you-know-who): “Suck it up, bitches.”
    You say: “I don’t have any culture of my own; that’s why I want yours.”
    Primary translation: “I am wilfully unaware of or repulsed by how ubiquitous my rich and powerful culture has made itself. I’d really rather hang out with you guys.”
    Secondary translation: “I’m bored! This stuff is hard!”
    You say: “I don’t see race.”
    Primary translation: “If I keep very quiet, maybe you won’t see me and ask me to do any work.”
    Secondary translation: “I’m just a little black rain-cloud, hovering under the honey tree.” 8
    You say: “Eventually this race stuff won’t matter, because we’ll all interbreed and become postracial.”
    Primary translation: “If I keep very quiet, maybe you won’t see me and ask me to do any work. Plus you might have sex with me.”
    Secondary translation: “I don’t want to do my homework! This stuff is hard! I want some cookies! Are we there yet?”
    You say: “My grandparents had a hard time too when they came to this country.”
    Primary translation: “Oh, shut up, already. Let’s talk about me some more.”
    Secondary translation: “La-la-la, I can’t hear you. That’s because I don’t see race.”
    You say: “But we can’t do that! That would be affirmative action!”
    Primary translation: “I don’t want to do something that’s proven to work, because then, well, it might work.”
    Oh, dear. The horse is coming back online. She’s putting up quite the struggle. Feisty little filly, ain’t she? So I’m going to have to take my leave of you, and before I could get my answers, too. I’m so sorry. You have my questions, though? You heard them? You can send the explanations out via the usual channels through which you’ve been sending us messages. I promise we’ll hear the …
    [BECOME NALO AGAIN]
    Wow. What happened there? Never mind, probably just nerves. [TAKE OFF T-SHIRT. UNDERNEATH IS A PLAIN BLACK DRESS. INDICATE T-SHIRT] Dunno where that ratty thing came from.
    Anyway, every few years I come up with another statement about what fantasy and science fiction do. I don’t discard my previous notions; I just add new ones for the consideration of myself and others. I don’t consider them definitive or all-encompassing, and I consider them at best onlypartially descriptive. But I find them fun to contemplate. The other day, our roommate told us that he’d asked his grandmother what technological invention had revolutionised her life. He thought she’d