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Some massage therapists might theorize that you’ve stumbled across a spot on the body that has been storing painful memories and emotions; others might just say that a relaxing massage can bring down anyone’s defenses. Either way, while your first reaction might be to think that giving this massage was a bad idea, on the contrary, crying is good. Think about it: People almost always feel better after a big bout of blubbering, right? That said, crying can be embarrassing—and it’s your job to let your partner know you’re cool with it. Only how?
    Whatever you do, don’t recoil in horror or ask, “What’s wrong?” since this presumes there is something wrong and might make your partner feel even more uncomfortable. Instead look your partner in the eye, say, “It’s okay” (which may bring on a fresh flood of tears), then ask, “Would you like me to continue or should we take a break?” If the time-out option is picked, try to maintain a little physical contact, whether it’s holding hands or placing your palm reassuringly on one shoulder. This will subtly reinforce the idea that you’re not weirded out by this impromptu sob-arama. In fact, going through it together might even bring you two closer.
    Ease Out of the Massage Slowly
    If all goes well, by the time you finish your massage (or whatever other shenanigans it may lead to), you’ll have squeezed and kneaded your subject into a puddle of gratitude. At this point, the very last thing you should do is rush him or her back into the real world. After a massage, people can feel pretty disoriented; if they stand up too quickly they may feel wobbly or keel right over (believe us, we’ve seen it happen). So instead once you’re done let your partner lie there for a while. Then your partner should sit up—but not stand—and swing his/her feet onto the floor for a few minutes. A glass of cool water can also help snap your subject back to reality. Recipients should stand up only once they feel ready.
    ON THE RECEIVING END? SOME THINGS TO REMEMBER
While the person giving the massage bears the brunt of responsibility for making sure the experience is a pleasurable one, the person receiving the massage also needs to know a few things.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO KEEP QUIET— Like sex, a massage is always better with a few sound effects. So go ahead and moan if you’re so inspired, and if you have something you want to get off your chest, say it. A simple “That feels amazing” is always appreciated and helps steer your massager in the right direction. Or, if he or she is headed in the wrong direction, try pointing that out in a constructive way with “That technique you’re trying on my shoulders doesn’t do much for me, but I loved what you were doing on my lower back. Could we go back to something like that?”
YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIE STILL— Just because you’re kicking back doesn’t mean you have to act like you’re paralyzed from the neck down. In fact, it can be darn sexy if you start to undulate your hips or reach up and start caressing your partner’s face. If you’re afraid your partner might be rattled if you start moving out of the blue, give a heads-up before the massage begins, or during the massage, say, “I feel like moving my hips a little, is that OK?” We’ll bet you twenty bucks the answer will be “Please do!”
DON’T BE AFRAID TO SUGGEST A CHANGE IN PLANS— What can we say? People are wishy-washy, and that’s okay. Even though you two agreed earlier that your massage would unfold a certain way, if you start getting other ideas while it’s happening, go ahead and suggest a change in plans. Say, “I know we agreed that you would focus on me, but I just thought I’d let you know I wanna kiss you so much right now,” or “I know I told you I’d rather not have sex, but this massage is so good it makes me want to throw you down on the bed and ravish you.” Maybe your massager will be open to it, or, maybe you’ll get back