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with you seated between his/her legs, which are bent and draped over your thighs. This position is great for people with lower back pain or tight hamstrings since it relieves tension in those areas. You can also raise your partner’s legs so they’re resting on your chest or shoulders.
Your partner kneeling back on his/her haunches with torso and arms flopped forward onto the floor, with you standing and straddling his/her back. If you’ve ever taken Pilates or yoga, you might recognize your partner’s position as the Child’s Pose—and it does wonders for stretching and relaxing the back while you knead that area.
    HEAVY PETTING: SOME GUIDING PRINCIPLES
    In the next chapter we’ll show you specific techniques to try on various parts of the body. But first let’s fill you in on some general advice that will improve the overall experience.
    Know How to Rub Someone the Right Way
    An amazing massage boils down to a few basic strokes. Master these three and you’re well on your way.
     
The Glide. Using massage oil, press your palms and fingertips firmly into the recipient’s flesh and slowly push away from yourself. Then circle back around to your starting point, either moving your hands back down the same way they came (as if you were painting a fence) or moving them in more of a long oval shape. The longer your stroke, the more soothing and relaxing it will feel for your partner; try it on his or her back, arms, chest, and legs.
The Brush. Use your fingertips, fingernails, or the back of your hand to stroke the skin with the lightest, barely there touch. This technique tends to tease and turn on nerve endings, and can give your massage more of a sensual vibe. Try tracing circles on the stomach, breasts/chest, and face, or use this touch on the downstroke for The Glide. When you combine heavy strokes with feathery ones, the contrast will feel sublime.
The Squeeze. Sore muscles will melt under this stroke, which works wonders on the shoulders, butt, and the back of the legs. Your hands should form a C shape for squeezing tissue in the space between your thumb and forefinger. You can alternate kneading with one hand then the other, or squeeze your two Cs toward one another to knead even larger muscle groups (which is great for the butt). Just make sure to squeeze as much tissue as possible to avoid pinching the skin, since this can be painful.
    Take It Slow
    Moving a massage along at too brisk a clip is by far the most common error committed by amateurs. Try to match your pace to your partner’s deep breathing pattern, only completing a squeeze or stroke every time he or she inhales or exhales (which can take anywhere from four to eight seconds depending on the state of relaxation). If your movements are making you breathe heavily or break a sweat, you’re going too fast. Giving a massage shouldn’t feel like a cardio workout. Also keep in mind that muscles take time to relax, so make sure you aren’t pressing into them too quickly, which will only make them tense up. Instead allow your fingers to sink in slowly. Your massage should gradually build in intensity over time before tapering off gently at the end.
    Don’t Massage Too Hard—or Too Soft
    Not surprisingly, men generally make the first mistake, squeezing women within an inch of their lives, while women’s caresses are so gentle they barely make a dent in the knots in the neck. So be sure to check in with your partner to see how you’re doing. Don’t just ask, “How does that feel?” since most people will say “fine” or “good” out of politeness or because they might not know how good it could be. Instead ask, “Would you like it harder or softer?” That way your partner can voice a preference without feeling like he or she is critiquing your efforts.
    Don’t Freak Out if Your Partner Starts to Cry
    Strange things can happen during a rubdown … like, suddenly, out of the blue, your partner starts dripping like a leaky faucet for no reason.