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    ‘Don’t touch her! You’ll break the spell.’ The leader thought for a minute and said, ‘My brothers, I see certain economic possibilities arising from this. If we kept Snow White around here in this state, we could advertise our retreats as impotency therapy.’
    The giants nodded in agreement with this idea, but the prince interrupted, ‘But what about me? I’ve already paid for my retreat. Why can’t I, um, take the cure?’
    ‘No dice, Prince,’ said the leader. ‘You can look but don’t touch. Otherwise you’ll break the spell. Tell you what, though. You can have the other one if you want.’
    ‘I don’t want to sound classist,’ said the prince, ‘but she’s not high enough calibre for me.’
    ‘That’s pretty big talk from a man shooting blanks,’ said one of the giants, and everybody but the prince laughed.
    The leader said, ‘Come on, brothers, let’s lift these two off the floor and decide how we can best display them.’ It took three giants for each female, but they managed to get both bodies aloft. As soon as they did, however, the pieces of poisoned apple fell from the mouths of Snow White and the queen, and they awoke from the spell.
    ‘What do you think you’re doing? Put us down!’ they shouted. The giants were so startled they almost dropped the womyn to the floor.
    ‘That was the most sickening thing I have ever heard!’ shouted the queen. ‘Offering us around like pieces of property!’
    ‘And you ,’ said Snow White to the prince, ‘trying to make it with a girl in a coma! Yuck!’
    ‘Hey, don’t blame me,’ said the prince. ‘It’s a medical condition.’
    The leader of the giants said, ‘Don’t start tossing blame around. You both broke into our property in the first place. I can call the police!’
    ‘Don’t try it, Napoleon,’ said the queen. ‘This forest is property of the crown. You are the ones who are trespassing!’
    This rejoinder caused quite a stir, but not as big a commotion as when the queen warned: ‘And another thing. While we were immobile and you all blathered on in your sexist way, I had a personal awakening. From now on, I am going to dedicate my life to healing the rift between womyn’s souls and their bodies. I am going to teach womyn to accept their natural body images and become whole again. Snow White and I are going to build a womyn’s spa and conference centre on this very spot, where we can hold retreats, caucuses and ovariums for the sisters of the world.’
    There was much shouting and name-calling, but the queen eventually had her way. Before the Seven Towering Giants could be evicted from their home, though, they packed up their sweat lodge and moved deeper into the woods. The prince stayed on at the spa as a cute but harmless tennis pro. And Snow White and the queen became good friends and earned world-wide fame for their contributions to sisterhood. The giants were never heard of again, save for little muddy footprints that were sometimes found in the morning outside the windows of the spa’s locker room.

CHICKEN LITTLE
    hicken Little lived down a winding country lane surrounded by tall oak trees. (It should be mentioned here that the name ‘Little’ was a family name, and not a derogatory, size-biased nickname. It was only by sheer coincidence that Chicken Little was also of shorter-than-average height.) One day, Chicken Little was playing in the road when a gust of wind blew through the trees. An acorn was blown loose and hit Chicken Little squarely on the head.
    Now, while Chicken Little had a small brain in the physical sense, she did use it to the best of her abilities. So when she screamed, ‘The sky is falling, the sky is falling!’ her conclusion was not wrong or stupid or silly, only logically underenhanced.
    Chicken Little ran down the road until she came to the house of her neighbour, Henny Penny, who was tending her garden. This was a simple task, since she didn’t use any insecticide, herbicide or