Read Politically Correct Bedtime Stories for Free Online Page A

fertilizer, and also permitted the native nonedible varieties of wildflower (sometimes branded ‘weeds’) to mingle with her food crops. So, lost amid the foliage, Henny Penny heard Chicken Little’s voice long before she saw her.
    ‘The sky is falling! The sky is falling!’
    Henny Penny stuck her head out from her garden and said, ‘Chicken Little! Why are you carrying on so?’
    Chicken Little said, ‘I was playing in the road when a huge chunk of the sky fell and landed on my head. See? Here’s the bump to prove it.’
    ‘There’s just one thing to do,’ said Henny Penny.
    ‘What’s that?’ asked Chicken Little.
    ‘Sue the bastards!’ said Henny Penny.
    Chicken Little was puzzled. ‘Sue for what?’
    ‘Personal injury, discrimination, intentional infliction of emotional distress, negligent infliction of emotional distress, tortious interference, the tort of outrage—you name it, we’ll sue for it.’
    ‘Good gracious!’ said Chicken Little. ‘What will we get for all that?’
    ‘We can get payment for pain and suffering, compensatory damages, punitive damages, disability and disfigurement, long-term care, mental anguish, impaired earning power, loss of esteem …’
    ‘Person, oh, person!’ said Chicken Little joyfully. ‘Who are we going to sue?’
    ‘Well, I don’t think the sky per se is recognized as a suable entity by the state,’ said Henny Penny.
    ‘I think we should go and find a lawyer and learn who is suable,’ said Chicken Little, her diminutive brain working overtime.
    ‘That’s a good idea. And while we’re there, I can ask whom to sue for these ridiculously bony legs of mine. They’ve caused me nothing but anguish and embarrassment all my life, and I should be compensated for all that.’
    So they ran farther down the road until they came to the house of their neighbour, Goosey Loosey. Goosey Loosey was busy teaching her canine animal companion to eat grass so that she could avoid the guilty feelings that came with feeding the dog processed animal carcasses from a can.
    ‘The sky is falling! The sky is falling!’
    ‘Sue the bastards! Sue the bastards!’
    Goosey Loosey leaned over her fence and said, ‘Land sakes! Why are you two carrying on so?’
    ‘I was playing in the road and a piece of sky fell on my head,’ explained Chicken Little.
    ‘So we’re going to find a lawyer to tell us whom we can sue both for her injuries and for my bony legs.’
    ‘Oh good! Can I come and sue someone for my long, gangly neck? You know, nothing really flatters it, so I am convinced there’s a conspiracy within the fashion industry against long-necked waterfowl.’
    So the three of them ran down the road looking for legal assistance.
    ‘The sky is falling! The sky is falling!’
    ‘Sue the bastards! Sue the bastards!’
    ‘Smash the conspiracy! Smash the conspiracy!’
    Farther down the road they met Foxy Loxy, who was dressed in a blue suit and carried a briefcase. He held up a paw to halt the entourage.
    ‘And what are you three doing out on this lovely day?’ asked Foxy Loxy.
    ‘We’re looking for someone to sue!’ they shouted in unison.
    ‘What are your grievances? Personal injury? Discrimination? Intentional infliction of emotional distress? Negligent infliction of emotional distress? Tortious interference? The tort of outrage?’
    ‘Oh, yes, yes,’ the three said excitedly, ‘all that and more!’
    ‘Well, then, you’re in luck,’ said Foxy Loxy. ‘My caseload has just eased up, so I will be able to represent you in any and all lawsuits we can manage to bring.’
    The trio cheered and flapped their wings. Chicken Little asked, ‘But who are we going to sue?’
    Without missing a beat, Foxy Loxy said, ‘Who aren’t we going to sue? Three hapless victims such as yourselves will be able to find more guilty parties than you can shake a writ at. Now, let’s all step into my office so we can discuss this further.’
    Foxy Loxy walked over to a small black metal