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higher. “It has leopard skin on all the keys so I don’t bruise my fingertips.”
    He stepped back. “I don’t have an argument,” he said. “I just wanted to show you the laptop. I know you can’t afford one this nice.”
    Wes Updood went next. He studied his note cards for a moment. Then he spoke into the microphone. “George Washington, everyone,” he said. “Uncle of our country. Supersize it! Yo!”
    Silence in the auditorium. Then Jennifer shouted, “Brilliant! Brilliant! That’s so smart!”
    â€œYou da man! Give it up!” Wes said, reading his notes. “Save big money now. It’s like sliced peaches, ya know?”
    â€œBrilliant!” Jennifer cried. She jumped to her feet and clapped. “Brilliant! Sliced peaches. Why didn’tI think of that? Brilliant!”
    â€œWhat about laptops?” a kid from Easter Bunny Prep shouted.
    â€œWhat about your thumb ?” Wes replied. “Ever suck on it for an hour and then smell it?”
    Jennifer started to clap again. “Brilliant! Totally brilliant! No way we can lose now!”
    No one else had a clue what Wes was talking about. But he talked for another twenty minutes. He was totally cool. So cool, he wasn’t even speaking English! Then he picked up his saxophone and started to play.
    The debate was over. No one on the other team got to say a word. That’s why Rotten School wins every debate.
    Wes started to leave the stage. Jennifer hurried up to join him. “Brilliant! Lamby Knees, you’re SO SMART!” she cried. She hugged him so hard, I could hear his ribs cracking.
    Jennifer, Wes, and Sherman left the auditorium. I followed them. I loved seeing Wes smothered by The Ecch.
    They made their way to the snack shop at theStudent Center. I followed them as they got in line.
    Jennifer had her arm around Wes’s shoulders. As they walked, she nibbled on his ear, making loud, slurping noises.
    He turned to her. “Marble cheesecake,” he said angrily.
    Her smile faded. She jerked her arm away. “ What did you say?”
    â€œMarble cheesecake,” Wes repeated. “Strawberry shortcake. You know what I’m talking about. Like elephants on rice.”
    â€œHow DARE you!” Jennifer screamed. “How DARE you insult my hair like that!”
    â€œHuh?” Wes squinted at her, confused. “Graham cracker crust?” he murmured. “Smell my armpit on your birthday?”
    With a roar, Jennifer pounced on him. She knocked him to the floor. “I thought you liked me! Why are you saying those horrible things about the way I look?”
    â€œPony rides, man. Pony rides,” Wes said. Then he screamed in pain.
    Sherman jumped to rescue his friend. He grabbedJennifer by the shoulders and tried to pull her off Wes. Jennifer spun around. Her one brown eye and one blue eye flashed. She stared at Sherman as if she’d never seen him before.
    Then she let go of Wes, leaped to her feet—and wrapped her arms around Sherman’s waist. “Honey Cakes!” she cried. “You’re mine now! MINE!”

    â€œGulp!” Sherman choked on a big wad of bubble gum. “Excuse me?”
    â€œHoney Cakes!” Jennifer cried. “It’s you and me, Shermie! Big-time!”
    Sherman made some more gulping sounds. He tried to shove her away with his chrome laptop.
    But The Ecch grabbed his left arm and twisted it behind his back. “Promise you’ll go to the All-Nighter with me!” she screamed.
    â€œHuh? No way!” Sherman gasped. “OWWWW!”
    He screamed as The Ecch twisted his arm higher behind him. “Honey Face,” Jennifer cooed, “I won’t let go until you promise to go with me.”
    â€œBut-but-but—” Sherman sputtered.

    â€œIs that a yes or a no?” Jennifer asked.

Chapter 18
I N THE S OUP
    My buddies Feenman and Crench and I were having lunch in the